Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 63.212.164.106	13-Mar-07/7:02 PM
How dare you extol the virtues of a lesser glove without paying homage to its superior: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=91816 Incidentally, a boy in my class at primary school enjoyed scratching the other boys and making them cry. As both punishment and preventative measure, he was forced to wear mittens.
Re: a comment on Abused Light by Greeny	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 63.212.164.106	13-Mar-07/6:30 PM
By apostrophe you mean acute accent. By colon or dash you mean semicolon. And it's obvious why light is being abused. God did not intend such unnatural bursts of colour to stain the night sky. He made the night black, not electric blue, or luminous green. Only once has He ever allowed fireworks, and that was immediately after the Resurrection, where they were accompanied by a laser light show and foam party, all choreographed to Simply The Best by Tina Turner.
Re: Pedaling West by Dovina	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 63.212.164.106	13-Mar-07/6:17 PM
Poetry is no excuse for pedaling like a muppet. No wonder people point and stare. The first two lines suggest it took you some time to master the bicycle. That is a sign from God that you were not intended for outdoor pursuits, but should remain indoors where others cannot see you. To persist in activities for which you possess no talent is blasphemous, and is the second reason why feminism is a sin. The first is Jane Fonda.
Re: Abused Light by Greeny	Dovina 75.82.86.162	13-Mar-07/3:03 PM
Good descriptions of fireworks exploding in the night, if that's what it is. I don't see why light is abused, unless the fireworks are irritating someone; it's not clear. I think "expose" needs an apostrophe on the last e. The semicolon should be a colon or dash, I think.
Re: A Question by poetry_rancour	richa 81.179.219.225	13-Mar-07/3:02 PM
I think the reader has to understand jive to get this.
Re: Her Mitts by Nepanthe	richa 81.179.219.225	13-Mar-07/2:57 PM
I think the second verse changes the metre a bit but that is not necessarily a problem.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Nepanthe 74.99.232.77	13-Mar-07/2:56 PM
Yes, I'll work on it later tonight, and repost.
Re: Abused Light by Greeny	richa 81.179.219.225	13-Mar-07/2:50 PM
The abused light is an intriguing word choice but the reader is not let in why you think it is appropriate. I like the again grain rhyme. Some of the others are a little obvious.
Re: Pearl by Greeny	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:37 PM
I liked most of this except for stanza 4
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:35 PM
You know I go funny when syllables aren't stressed right...
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:33 PM
What I had in mind was a rhythm similar to the one you use in the first stanza (it's okay, you can despair at me if you like. I'm terrible at workshopping). The first two lines go like this: da-DA da-DA-da, da-DA da-da-DA DA-da, da-DA-da, DA-da-da DA Does that make it any clearer?
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Dovina 75.82.86.162	13-Mar-07/2:29 PM
I trusted him once in regard to a low-sounding syllable at the end of my line, which he said offended with its highness. I layed it down inverted, which he found quite agreeable.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Nepanthe 74.99.232.77	13-Mar-07/2:23 PM
Is that better?
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:20 PM
Syllables don't matter, it's the meter which counts. You can add an unstressed syllable without interrupting the rhythm. They both line up fine, trust me.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Nepanthe 74.99.232.77	13-Mar-07/2:16 PM
Sounds like too many syllables. take out the of and the last two lines match up, 8 and 8.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:14 PM
Why?
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Nepanthe 74.99.232.77	13-Mar-07/2:14 PM
Hm, I'm still not sure of the 'of'.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:10 PM
They all seem to be from London. That should explain it really. I have to go to London this weekend, I think, to watch a friend's opera group. It's surprisingly entertaining, considering you can never work out what's actually being said by any of the characters.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Dovina 75.82.86.162	13-Mar-07/2:04 PM
Oh, please stay. It's been so lonely here with only the newby smut-slingers, and their oldby look-alikes.
Re: a comment on Her Mitts by Nepanthe	Ranger 81.103.124.179	13-Mar-07/2:02 PM
Darn, I'll just go back to doing nothing then.