Dovina
replying on Trust by Dovina
30 Oct 2004, 8:31 PM
Profuse thanks, but you're six bricks short of a full load, pal.
The first line is, I'm afraid, grammatical nonsense. Permit me to explain. If you call on something, especially someone's wrath, you call on it to do something. Thus, if you want to keep the 'upon, you would have to add a verb later on, and say something along the lines of 'Call upon the wrath of God To fall on them'. Elsewise, you can rid yourself of the upon and keep the rest as it is [with one exception I'll get to in a moment] -- 'Call the wrath of God on them' -- which would be the equivalent, more or less, of your 'Pox on thee' example.
Secondly, it should be (as in my rewritten versions) 'on THEM', due to the fact that 'Thee' is the singular pronoun. As it stands, you're telling the abuser to call the wrath of God on himself -- an admirable sentiment, perhaps, but not very practical or likely. Besides, to make it work as it is, you'd have to change the tense in the second line to 'Who sees' -- again, 'Thee' being singular. Also, the fourth and fifth lines are just plain silly. And the spelling's a disaster.
More forceful than procuring a spot of holy ground through his word. More forceful than a seed growing and blooming, in between which processes lies a host of work. More forceful that simply turning into something pure as if itâs a gentle ride.
This is the best of yours I have read. It leads the reader with its images rather than making general statements which it can't support (your biggest weakness in other poems). Pinon planter was good as well. You can not have a -10- because I don't give -10-'s. Have a -9-
You are a dunce of the highest order. I have just explained to you why "Call upon the wrath of God on thee" makes no sense. One of the steps in my explanation was to point out that "thee" means "you". Your response was to paste a dictionary definition which says that "thee" means "you". Well done!!!!!!!11
Simple Irony or not, it is an excellent comparison of two views of the same scenario. I like Horus's better not because of the rhyme but because it is not necessarily simple but, uncluttered.
My choice may also merely be a masculine viewpoint.
Both pleased my palate, "errors" aside.
Dictionary definition for thou or thee:
\Thou\, pron. [Sing.: nom. Thou; poss. Thyor Thine; obj. Thee. Pl.: nom. You; poss. Youror Yours; obj. You.] [OE. thou, [thorn]u, AS. [eth][=u], [eth]u; akin to OS. & OFries. thu, G., Dan. & Sw. du, Icel. [thorn][=u], Goth. [thorn]u, Russ. tui, Ir. & Gael. tu, W. ti, L. tu, Gr. sy`, Dor. ty`, Skr. tvam. [root]185. Cf. Thee, Thine, Te Deum.] The second personal pronoun, in the singular number, denoting the person addressed; thyself; the pronoun which is used in addressing persons in the solemn or poetical style.
"Call upon the wrath of God on thee" is a decluration or a curse
ie. "A pox upon thee" .It's an answer like you should call on god's wrath to be your vengence.
In short either you get it and go with it or you don't.
You guys are tough. I like that.
Art thou he that should come? --Matt. xi. 3.
You too combine 10-votes with 0-comments. Is it the English mind?
richa is a bumface. He sings with the girls. "Why do you sing with the girls?" asks Caecilius. "I'm a bumface" says richa. "Pests! Scoundrels!" yells Caecilius. Much blood flows.
There is not a single piece of poetry published in the last hundreds years that is written in an archaic manner for no reason. Look in any poetry journal or magazine. Poetry is about communication. Why sabbotage your own poem by being so convoluted. What you seem to have done here is to think of an idea then substitute prosaic words (the idea) for poetic words (the poem).
For instance: "no blooms we see from those deflowered". The reason I interpreted it as once you chop the heads off flowers they never flower again (which would be incorrect) is because otherwise all you are saying is flowers which have had their flowers taken away are not flowering which is a tautology. Why say it.
I don't know how you get that from translating individual words. The correct translation is: richa is a bumface. He sings with the girls. "Why do you sing with the girls?" asks Caecilius. richa says: "I'm a bumface."
"Pests! Scoundrels!" yells Caecilius. Much blood flows.
I was just about to send Burgers a link to this poeme, but on reading it a second time I realised that that would be an unbelievably appalling idea. Particularly so soon after his you know what.
Except "Call upon the wrath of God on thee" is such an awkward line. Is "Call upon" a command? Or does it mean "I call upon"? If it's a command, then it makes no sense because you're saying "You call upon the wrath of God on you", because "thee" means you. What you should be saying is something like:
"Call upon the wrath of God, to fall upon those who see fit to tamper with..."
If it means "I call upon", then it's still awkward, because you're saying "I call upon the wrath of God on you", which is full of ambiguities. Are you calling upon a wrath of god that's sitting on someone? Are you calling upon the wrath of God whilst standing on someone? Or are you calling upon the wrath of God, to fall upon someone? You want the latter, but the sentence as you've written it could be read all three ways.
There are other problems with this poeme, mostly due to a lack of punctuation. In short, what you have is a garbled mess :(