donmiguel1960
on An Ode To Dark Angel, Private Investigator by tolstoyleo
1 Jul 2004, 6:16 AM
I like the flow, but have
Yes, it's been said over and over, but if you'd shroud it in some tricky prose or metaphor we'd gush all over you.
Funny. Why the ?? at the end?
Once, while staying at a hotel in Mexico City with my wife, I became so ill from the tapwater that I used two rolls of toilet paper per day for an entire week. By the time I was finally able to leave the hotel room, I'd lost 15 pounds.
PS-Do you think that as a simile "X is utterly unlike Y" is as good or useful as "X is like Y"?
It was a bit jumpy for me towards the middle, but overall I liked it. I gave it a -7-
I thought it was a pimple poem without the rhyme. I have seen this topic over and over again, written in angst by teenage girls. Frankly I'm sick of this topic. But... opinions are like farts...
(so much) kind of redundant. (i n f o r m a t i o n) spaced seems almost entirely pointless. Other than that ace. The voice is especially clear.
Good Title. Good ending. In the middle, you have some good lines, but the flow bogs in side issues and themes not very well connected to the main story. Not that they don't connect, I'd just work on how you connect them. Especially like, "when reality becomes fantasy and perhaps returns back to reality once again."
How true is your observation. We tend to view the
world from a very narrow and self-centered position.
All things are inter-related and connected but this
fact is largely unconsidered. Even an insect should
be left alone if it is not bothersome. Well done.
Very clever and humorous. Original for sure. A nine
in my opinion.
have no clue what its about, tell me
At first I thought this was one of those: "What am I?" poems... and I hate those.
i like, that you write how you feel. very nice
I like it very much
-0- FROM ME. THEY ALL SUCKED.
Here is the definition of a haiku taken from this very site:
The haiku is a japanese poetry form, evolved from the renga during the 16th century. It is a three line, unrhymed set of seventeen syllables (5-7-5).
It is typically a pair of contrasting concrete/sensory images, with each image so dependant on the other that the whole thing collapses if one word is altered.
I thought this was going to end in "What am I?"
To which I was going to reply: A lizard in the desert
But that didn't happen
The category is free verse but I found myself going: ababcc ababcc while readin it.
But... I thought it was alright.
I gave it an 8
explain the last line please
Absurdly naïve, unforgivably childish and appallingly lewd.
Stupid, stupid.