horus8
on The wreck of a Memphis-Atlanta Greyhound by zodiac
17 Dec 2004, 2:37 PM
Furny...
choose to die, then, friend.. choose to die.. 9
Before deleting everything to kingdom come, you asked for an explanation:
Your poeme contains the phrases "mound", "inner evils", "porcelain", "lust", and "lets out a sigh". Perhaps that's why I was so easily led astray, soiling you to the hilt with that extract from my bumoirs. You asked for help, but if my stained portfolio is anything to go by, you have little to gain from any more of my opinions. Unless, of course, you feel like spending an evening CHEZ TURD?
Scaling
"I will be good by not being me." good line.
"and my Mother I suckled who gave me life" - clumsy.
"embers' glow"
"awake known."
I can relate to a mixture of feelings as I read this, even without knowing what it's about. Maybe that's the most one can hope for.
Best thing I've ever read... Today anyway.
Doomed from the start, a lonely man's common tale. Get the spelling right and spiff up the prose, and you too can join the ranks of poets chanting as they march with the lemmings.
The end sucked.
I once walked along the Appalachian Trail and camped under the hardwoods and felt the music you beautifully describe. The ransom of kisses was not there, nor shining stones of silent blood, or I missed them. But other visions linger from that forested walk, and yours might help to draw them up.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2004, 11:54 AM
I jerk at work.
Don't listen to Dovina. She knows nothing about poetry, and is most likely jealous of you because your poemes rhyme -10-
You can listen to everyone who votes 10 because that tells you you have touched the hearts of truly appreciative listeners.
This poem rules. 10.
Come on, at least tell me I used a bunch of redundancies.
"Listen, dear, you couldn't write FUCK on a dusty Venetian blind." - Coral Browne