| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
when do dreams fade? (Free verse) by francis nor capule life is shallow and unbearable
nothing seems to go my way
every little thing a mess, a lovers kiss is empty
moonlights are cold
the night freezes me over
and wine doesn't taste as good
my thoughts a mess
nothing seems straight
the stars are dim , and night fades
my dreams faded
when i lost you
pushed you from me, drove you away
and the emptiness of memories kept
gnaws at me
like a bad hangover after friday
the day you left
my soul departed
it stays this way still...
Up the ladder:
Beautiful Scars
Down the ladder:
My Time
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: April 16, 2004 9:12 AM PDT; Last modified: April 16, 2004 9:12 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.5 Overall Rank: 2713 Comments:
[6]
Bachus @ 24.130.214.180
|
16-Apr-04/12:36 PM
|
Reply
Almost readable. 6.
At first I expected this to end as a slur on maudlin feelings being gushed without any preparation, but now I see I'll have to write that verse myself.
you might find your soul buried beneath your language skills if you bothered to look for them. I think the lack of sensation left in the wake of pain is a theme that CAN be handled without cliche, but it takes flawless execution to do so. And a bit more imagination.
I really like it
seemz cliche. dunno why. maybe cause Ive read too many poems that say "life sucks"
196 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
