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Something I Hope I Would Not Hear Myself Speak (Free verse) by Lifeboatman
The bitches of our time are as plentiful As the flying pigs of antiquity And with as much decency too Though their nest-sties had changed To haystacks, then to cabarets And then to bust seats and pool tables, They still copulate to make extreme their countenances And don their promiscuity without shame

Up the ladder: spherical
Down the ladder: solitude

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.142857
Weighted score: 5.03842
Overall Rank: 7209
Posted: November 12, 2003 10:04 PM PST; Last modified: November 12, 2003 10:04 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.116.54 | 13-Nov-03/12:37 AM | Reply
Yes, they'll hump eachother if none else with a pointer can be found.
[10] ShaNoN+960317485 @ 199.40.206.3 | 13-Nov-03/6:26 AM | Reply
Hello Butch:o) seems ur tongue must be tied & the pen taken, if u insist in writing as such:o)
[n/a] Lifeboatman @ 203.131.94.18 > ShaNoN+960317485 | 13-Nov-03/6:28 PM | Reply
remember, this is not meant as an offense for the sexually active nor to the professionals who give sexual pleasure in exchange for currency... i've quite a lot of respect for both cases of human existense since I see love making as a very amiable past time and I have great respect to the people of the latter of both sex and all gender... still, I wish I would not hear myself speak these things... write it-- maybe...
[9] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 13-Nov-03/8:24 AM | Reply
Reads pretty good, actually. Sometimes those wings can give a pre-impression.

Couple crits for you, if you are so inclined.

a comma after "decency" would work well overall, methinks

nest-[sites]? or were you making a play on "nasty"; either way.

"bust seats"? what is that? bus seats? if the "nest-sties" was intentional, then I'd believe this was too.

The last two lines are - perfect.
[n/a] Lifeboatman @ 203.131.94.18 > Shuushin | 13-Nov-03/6:31 PM | Reply
thanks.. but I think this poem really doesn't have to be perfected as I think of it as a crock of shit... and for bust seats, it was intentional but I also don't know what they are, sounded great, though, while I was writing the piece...
[8] SupremeDreamer @ 63.93.98.62 | 14-Nov-03/2:30 AM | Reply
long time, no see- ive missed your works, and enjoyed this one- even though its pencrap to you.

bust seats- slightly confusing, but i understand what you mean, i hope: empty seats? (bust- adj, lacking funds?)

well anyway, heres an 8.
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