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Tattered (Lyric) by VintageLove08 My face is bloody and dirty
Cut by paper tears
Trampled on by many feet
Over many years
Smiles held by safety pins
Laughter an illusion
Joy is just a three-letter word
Happiness an intrusion
Agony is my companion
Malaise is his friend
Misery is their advocate
My heart will never mend...
Up the ladder:
Life's Motive
Down the ladder:
Lonely
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Posted: August 4, 2002 5:30 PM PDT; Last modified: August 4, 2002 5:30 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9284782 Overall Rank: 9312 Comments:
[5]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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4-Aug-02/6:00 PM
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Reply
yes but the joy luck club was an eleven lettered asian wok of intrigue. i like big tits on gooks.oh nice poem would taste better with a bullet in my cock holea
This poem obviously carries much emotion with it...which you can do a lot with. I think you managed to pinpoint a lot of emotion dead-on, if you will, but there were a few things I wanted to point out to you:
-L2: "paper cuts"?? -L5: Nice -L10: I didn't understand how malaise could be a friend?? -Last line: I thought you could end with more emotion, more grasp on the heart of your theme, in my personal opinion. ~Sunny 166 view(s)
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