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The Burial (Haiku) by Mona Lisa Thick Black rain flowed
From the windows of her soul
As soil hit the rose.
Up the ladder:
When I say I'm a 14 yr old girl I mean 75 year old man
Down the ladder:
Please sodomise yourself
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8461537
Posted: November 8, 2003 4:56 AM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2003 4:56 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.3496466 Overall Rank: 837 Comments:
[9]
fair12 @ 209.109.243.122
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8-Nov-03/6:04 AM
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Reply
I loved the dark melodrama of this piece. I give you a 9...
Amen...
thick things don't flow
and where did the rose come from
Good form and attention to structure, but cliche imagery.
I like it, the darkness of it seems to touch my soul somehow.10
I liked it all except "windows of her soul", even though "soul" went with Black and soil. Maybe you could work in soul without the cliche.
Cliche, but honest.
love it -10-
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