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reflexion - dayspring to dusk (second version)

Member since 2003 · Posted 17 Sep 2003 · 6 comments

you are dreamer, sleepwalking with sword, piercing the center of the stream, dousing the seed. drinking hour, immersed in the waters of life but breath will not come about. friction causes explosion dream made real, life pullulates and spreads visions blossom from sprout.

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mean 6.50 weighted 5.18 rank 4867 views 247 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

6 comments

[10] Bachus 17-Sep-03/9:00 PM Reply

One of your best. Tight, compact, significant. I'm proud of you.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme › Bachus 18-Sep-03/9:52 AM Reply

there might be a few more rewrites, the original has been.. well, mysterious. Im not sure what i intended it to mean/say when i wrote it, but i am unraveling it via rewrite, etc..

its strange when i start writing poems i dont fully comprehend, it always bugs me when i go back and go over such poems.

[9] richa 18-Sep-03/5:36 AM Reply

Good this, very tight, very snappy. Given a sharp voice
almost irreverent.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme › richa 18-Sep-03/9:47 AM Reply

almost irreverent? im a bit confused with that statement lol.

[9] richa › DreamerSupreme 18-Sep-03/10:31 AM Reply

I think I meant kind of forthright/ no nonsense/ this is your truth/ you are telling the reader/ they will be told

[n/a] DreamerSupreme › richa 18-Sep-03/12:35 PM Reply

AH, i see. confusion cured. :)