Poemranker [Poem: reflexion - dayspring to dusk (second version)] [by Don-Quixote] Thu Nov 21 06:35:29 PST 2024

you are dreamer, sleepwalking with sword, piercing the center of the stream, dousing the seed. drinking hour, immersed in the waters of life but breath will not come about. friction causes explosion dream made real, life pullulates and spreads visions blossom from sprout.

[10] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 17-Sep-03/9:00 PM | Reply

One of your best. Tight, compact, significant. I'm proud of you.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.81.145.47 > Bachus | 18-Sep-03/9:52 AM | Reply

there might be a few more rewrites, the original has been.. well, mysterious. Im not sure what i intended it to mean/say when i wrote it, but i am unraveling it via rewrite, etc..

its strange when i start writing poems i dont fully comprehend, it always bugs me when i go back and go over such poems.

[9] richa @ 81.178.249.169 | 18-Sep-03/5:36 AM | Reply

Good this, very tight, very snappy. Given a sharp voice
almost irreverent.

[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.81.145.47 > richa | 18-Sep-03/9:47 AM | Reply

almost irreverent? im a bit confused with that statement lol.

[9] richa @ 81.86.81.27 > DreamerSupreme | 18-Sep-03/10:31 AM | Reply

I think I meant kind of forthright/ no nonsense/ this is your truth/ you are telling the reader/ they will be told

[n/a] DreamerSupreme @ 66.81.150.187 > richa | 18-Sep-03/12:35 PM | Reply

AH, i see. confusion cured. :)