poemranker ::Strung Out On Sunlight by J.B. Manning

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 65531

Strung Out On Sunlight

by J.B. Manning

Member since 2003 · Posted 17 Sep 2003 · 7 comments

I haven’t slept in days Everything seems so far away Except for dreams Nightmares maybe A dog barks in the distance It’s echo sparks a series of hallucinations Like lying my face on a fault line People pass me on the street I blink away their movements Light gives me a migraine And everything’s the same A melting pot of puke and twisted fait A crack on the sidewalk reminds me of some grand adventure That I never really had I’ve reinvented myself so many times I can’t remember my own name It’s 3am on Monday or maybe Thursday of next week Time is linear and I blink away its movements

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5635 views 203 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

7 comments

[5] nentwined 17-Sep-03/6:17 PM Reply
some nice ideas. I don't feel the flow lends to the feeling of sleep deprivation (even though it may have been created by such; I could find much of one)...
[n/a] J.B. Manning › nentwined 18-Sep-03/10:52 AM Reply
sleep deprevation caused by meth. "I could find much of one?"
[5] nentwined › J.B. Manning 18-Sep-03/11:17 AM Reply
that was meant to be "couldn't", saying lack of a flow may have been created by sleep dep.

hmm. meth makes it make a lot more sense. odd, that.
[n/a] DreamerSupreme › J.B. Manning 18-Sep-03/12:46 PM Reply
you forgot to mention voices, multi-character thought patterns, and the strange sudden urge to destroy furniture.

good though. i can tell you actually had some experience with sleep dep and meth.
[n/a] J.B. Manning › DreamerSupreme 23-Sep-03/10:42 AM Reply
multi-character thought patterns...
[8] jonnyduk 30-Jun-04/4:22 PM Reply
Sounds like a good night out gone baaaaaad
[7] mikeeb 14-Mar-07/10:49 AM Reply
I like it - the beginning is strong. I might suggest having a second look at the ending, as it left me wanting. Perhaps the last line isn't even necessary? Leaving the poem as you started, with a sense of disorientation (It's 3am on Monday / or maybe Thursday of next week) might be more effective.

Just a suggestion. Nice work either way.