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Strung Out On Sunlight (Free verse) by J.B. Manning

I haven’t slept in days Everything seems so far away Except for dreams Nightmares maybe A dog barks in the distance It’s echo sparks a series of hallucinations Like lying my face on a fault line People pass me on the street I blink away their movements Light gives me a migraine And everything’s the same A melting pot of puke and twisted fait A crack on the sidewalk reminds me of some grand adventure That I never really had I’ve reinvented myself so many times I can’t remember my own name It’s 3am on Monday or maybe Thursday of next week Time is linear and I blink away its movements

mikeeb 14-Mar-07/10:49 AM
I like it - the beginning is strong. I might suggest having a second look at the ending, as it left me wanting. Perhaps the last line isn't even necessary? Leaving the poem as you started, with a sense of disorientation (It's 3am on Monday / or maybe Thursday of next week) might be more effective.

Just a suggestion. Nice work either way.




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