| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Trailer Park: Diary of a Hayseed (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme My eyes gaze over the trailor park scene of my life.
America to me is an endless stretch of fields
with motorhomes parked permanently on dark soil.
Morgan drinks his moon shine,
freshly distilled from the last night,
cursin about the flies
that invaded his living space.
Cindy is in the field by the trees
rough housing like the tomboy she is.
She lifts her skirt for anyone that has two dollars
and a pair of blindfolds.
Dirt roads stretch across the rolling hills
like brown veins. The local mom and pop gas station
decorates my windows view, its neon sign blinking
Mill r s G s Statoin.
Miller Ferrows never could spell that well...
Up the ladder:
Stargazing Illusionist
Down the ladder:
Trollop: A Married Mans Revenge
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.1666665
Posted: August 20, 2003 5:51 AM PDT; Last modified: August 20, 2003 6:43 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.313765 Overall Rank: 3536 Comments:
I like it. Picturesque like pork loins being salted on your mobile patio.
happy you enjoyed it.
So rife with clerical errors and rancid splats of cack that after absorbing this secretion I think I'm going to have to have a lie down. Yet again you prove yourself the master of giving bloated pieces absurdly pretentious and insipidly whimsical titles. "Diary of a Hayseed" my arse. No doubt this piece was intended to 'decorate the reader's window' with a beautiful collage of midwestern serenity. But after the appalling ending, made even worse by the painful, yet touchingly poignant use of an ellipsis, the only thing decorating my window was a giant shower of vomit...
clerical errors? where?
Moonshine is one word.
"my window's view". Frankly, I'm appalled.
appalled? such things do tend to escape my notice often, but there isnt an excuse for moonshine. thanks for explaining.
275 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
You know, about my game needing to be worked on: ive been working on it since i was 13, and continue to do so, i have not stated EVER that theres nothing i need to improve upon.
And dont worry about my progress, its doing quite well, I have leaped my ass across hurdles in my writing and have become stronger as a poet.. and i did with help from this website.. you want to know HOW the folks here at poemranker helped me?
They fucking spanked me silly, crushed me into pieces, laughed at my work, called it shitty, etc etc etc... I got clowned 20000 ways from sunday.. and you know what? It caused me to evolve.. and i continue to evolve.. because i had every asshole on this site making my life hell.
I WAS being constructive man.. i turned that one poem of yours into a complete joke while stating exactly what was wrong with it, except you never took it seriously, didnt even think about looking at it carefully to see what i was saying.
Your telling me i need to work on my game? lol.. pal, i can write more creatively than what you can fart at the moment.. no, im not the most creative, original, or amazing writer around, if that was the case i wouldnt be here... well actually, i probly would because well.. i love this place.
and, about being brutally honest.. cmon now.. thats exactly what i was doing.. do you think i actually take the time to parody someones work if i dont think they could possibily write better? pffft.
ez-board poetry forums are basically workshops where poetry is critiqued, and theres alot of line by line revision and suggestions involved.. including people rewriting whole poems.. in a nice and polite fashion.. i go there for ideas, and to better myself in the mechanics of poetry..
I post here on poemranker to understand the soul of writing, and to be pushed around like a little punk so i get stronger, and perform better in writing.. and ive learned alot, from my enemies and my friends, though i dont let most of them know that, i play stubborn, bitch, moan, make jokes and play my chosen role.
About mr pig, yeah, hes a nice polite english gentleman, a damn good poet. But i havent gotten much advice/crit from him.. actually, none at all, but thats beside the point.
Z.. heh.. look man, Z made fun of my shit while giving me a dominatrix whipping session when she didnt think i was writing to my full potential, and it wasnt POLITE.. ok? it was fucking rude.. ;)
You should do less whining, and take advantage of the shit i say to you.. and ive given clues here and there.. you just need to look.
Im actually being all nice.. just to get a point across.. yes, your that fucking stubborn.. LuckyJoe wasnt this fucking thick skulled..
Do me a favor btw, stop talking down to me as if i am some child, i might be younger than you, but that has nothing to do with my experience in life, or what i know.. I dont need some fatherly friend to save my ass when im not even in danger.
And: GROW THE FUCK UP. yes, do that by WIDENING your vision.. stop thinking in such a fucking narrow fashion.. ignorance is being unwilling to understand. Try to fucking jerk your brain out of that static way of life and start exploring the world around you.. just because you learned to think this way due to the life you lived doesnt mean its the fucking only way, and definately doesnt make it the best way.
BTW, you have a fucking strange idea about poetry requiring profoundness.. which is idiotic. poetry isnt only bible versed you narrow minded tramp.. jeez.
Its about:
Imagery, Expression of emotion, creative presentation using metaphor, simile, rhyme, meter, etc.. its taking people to another universe, its offering alternate views of life, or it can be about provoking a reader, causing him/her to think, or to simply piss them off.
its alot of shit.. not much of it has anything to do with how PROFOUND THE STUPID POEM IS.. profound is upto the reader dick.. you know why? because the way you write a poem decides whether or not it affects the reader in anyway.. profound or not..
ok, im done with my long and detailed speech.. take it or leave it, but do yourself a favor and dont just wave it off as juvenile babbling, its fucking stupid to make assumptions..
Now you're talking a language I can understand. Much of what you say is absolutely true! For the record, I do not see myself as some fatherly figure. There is a relationship between age and wisdom. But I've met plenty of older people who are the biggest morons in the world and some younger people who are wise far beyond their years. When I was younger I took a hard ass view of the world and wanted to fight everyone. I see the world in a different light now. I really think life is aobut being the best possible person you can be and helping as many people as you can. I do alot of work with young people in the field of athletics and enjoy the hell out of their company. I learn something new from them EVERY DAY. I hope they're learning from me also. I'm not saying my way is the right way. I'm just sharing with you my view of things so you can better understand where I'm coming from. I'm not patronizing you or talking down to you. I respect or talents and now see that you are an extremely insightful kid. Thanks for your comments.
Thank god you dont actually think your a fatherly figure, otherwise my energy has been used to educate the deaf, blind, and retarded, but unfortunately not mute.. heh.
Best possible person you can be.. be yourself. Help others, thats always good.. whats good is also knowing if you can help them, or whether its possible..
anyway, this is where my comment ends, before i ramble like an insect.