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Broken (Free verse) by OnTheOtherHand
I hadn't broken into tears yet I didn't think I ever would I did break a few other things that night That beer that finished the case That lounge door that hid that ugly wallpaper That chair that refused to move That foot that was swollen That sweat that November night That sprint that told that cop that I was in trouble That belt buckle that stabbed me as he tackled me That cop's hard shell that made him so fierce The night you died I failed to cry I still haven't That nearly broke me Then a friend asked why I hadn't I told him That you broke free

Up the ladder: Charm
Down the ladder: New Horizon

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 5.285714
Weighted score: 5.0768404
Overall Rank: 6507
Posted: July 11, 2003 3:12 AM PDT; Last modified: July 11, 2003 3:12 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.253 | 11-Jul-03/3:15 AM | Reply
I like this poem slightly less than I like being forced to eat my own shit by my psychotic cell-mate
[n/a] OnTheOtherHand @ 216.138.10.3 > wFraser Allonby Q.C.w | 11-Jul-03/3:19 AM | Reply
And you gave it a 4? So I take it shit eating gets a 5?

Far be it from me to look down upon a scatophile.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 11-Jul-03/9:30 AM | Reply
Touching, but lacks enough expression of rage and anger to go with all the broken things. -8-

P.S. Frasor Allonby, your former cellmate says next time you say he forced you to eat your own shit, He'll make you eat his as well.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 11-Jul-03/2:46 PM | Reply
I know it needs work. Just getting it out and down and giving it some time for now. An eight is a lot more than I expected.
[8] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 11-Jul-03/2:43 PM | Reply
lol.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > Bachus | 11-Jul-03/2:45 PM | Reply
At......?
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