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Tomorrow (Free verse) by Quarton All is transformed through loving you...
winter's sun is warm,
her breeze is soft against my face;
fresh-washed leaves and autumn colors,
excuse the rain.
The fog is a veil to hide our kisses
and city noises drown our sighs;
hatred is an excuse for loving,
sorrow a reason for laughter,
sadness a cause for smiling,
today, while you love me.
In a crowd, I have your laughter
and your beauty;
alone, I know the depths of your love.
How will I live with my memories,
tomorrow--when you leave me?
Up the ladder:
Carpet threading the sky
Down the ladder:
Is Not Chicago
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.1666665
Posted: June 24, 2003 12:30 PM PDT; Last modified: June 24, 2003 12:30 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.313765 Overall Rank: 3533 Comments:
[n/a]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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24-Jun-03/12:47 PM
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Reply
If you pulled off that quetion mark at the very end, you'll double your audience, your votes and your message, and I will give you three tens in six minutes.
dont use .... you are supposed to use language to achieve such an effect
i think the scope of this is too great for such a short poem too
Good point, that and the last Question mark has to be a period. I feel very strongly about this damnit.
The opening line sounds like a voice over for a chick flick so lose that, Stanz 2 is the most interesting and I wanted more from it and it left me a bit frustrated for I see you have the potential for possibly a grandoise work.
Sorry I wanted to 8 or 9 this but it needs more to it. ^6
Nice to see you back Quarton, hope your well.
Thank you, Mr. Pig. I have written nothing new for
a long time but hope to start writing again. Not sure why but I have had no desire, apathetic being my mind-set lately. I appreciate the suggestions by everyone and will delete the question mark and the (...)
Calmly beautiful.10
The fog is a veil to hide our kisses....etc.
Gag me 219 view(s)
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