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may 18 (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub
You seem so tired. squeaking, like a mouse, a floorboard, or a surprise. Your regretful head bowed and fragrant with fear, invisible. the silver nimbus of scissors rummaged from the chipped kitchen cupboard, held up with thin fingers. "It's time for a change", you say, sonorous and famed illusions falling in fire-engine braids, clipped free from decadence. Beyond the bug-proof mesh, a throaty hail of dawn draws you out, damp-eyed and frail to the yard's simple square. pink toes lap the loomed grass and dew, one arm cross your brow, blinking a challenge to the blue sunlight, wrapped in gauze like brilliance. And when next you lean against the fridge, you'll pause in wonder at the records of someone young, and drunk. you sneered like a punk, lived fast, eyes smudged, in ripped fishnets and nose ring. Never meant to last, and that's the whole thing.

Up the ladder: Dr. Skellington
Down the ladder: Ctrl freak (Alt+ version)

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.111111
Weighted score: 6.5555553
Overall Rank: 634
Posted: May 18, 2003 5:41 PM PDT; Last modified: May 19, 2003 7:12 PM PDT
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[10] INTRANSIT @ | 18-May-03/8:18 PM | Reply
Well Bill, I think you've gone too deep for me on this one. Maybe I'm just tired . I'll try again later. Been a while. Glad to see you're still out there.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > INTRANSIT | 18-May-03/8:38 PM | Reply
Hey Intransit. Yeah, this one is a little enigmatic I suppose. You should have seen the first draft! Every re-write it gets a little clearer, I think I'm closing in on something...
I hope someone out there will get it, but dammit it's my own fault for being so damn obscure sometimes. I've already edited this 4 times tonight, so come back later, I'll have cleared up a few mysteries I hope.
But in the meantime, I hope the words are enjoyable on their own, even if the larger meaning is encrypted. I'm trying to find an equilibrium. Some words I use for the beauty and cadence, and strange levels of meaning. Style/content... and even a bit of form,
Simple language rearranged into strange orders, juxtaposed with shards of an image, arranged and ordered. I read it aloud and try to feel the rhythm... the sound, the images... And someday I hope to succeed on all levels. Someday. ****
(Was that pretentious enough?
[10] INTRANSIT @ > Bill Z Bub | 19-May-03/6:29 AM | Reply
Not nearly enough pretense, slather on the icing,man. I'm glad I gave this overnight cause I'm reading it better and noticed the changes. Um, are you sure on (gauss). I looked it up and it doesn't seem to jive. I don't want to say what I see, but I wish I knew her reasoning.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > INTRANSIT | 19-May-03/9:05 AM | Reply
Oops! I meant GAUZE, not gauss. Gauss is a german mathematician. Gauze is a thin transparent fabric with a loose weave.
I wish I knew her reasoning too.
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 19-May-03/6:46 AM | Reply
I'm bringing the answer to your question over here. No.
My am/fm in the truck doesn't work. Traditionally, Rock, Rap I've recently become hooked on jazz and my favorite classical piece thus far is The 1812 Overature by Tchaikovsky and the New York Philharmonic.
But I seem to have The Crash test dummies on my mind lately. Gawd. Paki's right. I am a goof. It's good to be a goof. later.
[9] horus8 @ | 19-May-03/3:48 PM | Reply
"it's all in the past." Would kick out the bottom if it was " and the whole thing was that" or only that, or just that. I loved it all the way until that.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > horus8 | 19-May-03/4:17 PM | Reply
Yeah, I'm not satisfied with the ending. Or the beginning, for that matter. I added the final two lines on the fifth edit here, because it needed something to sew it up.
[10] INTRANSIT @ > Bill Z Bub | 19-May-03/6:50 PM | Reply
Work it, work it, Own it....

You draw rather well by the way.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > INTRANSIT | 19-May-03/7:13 PM | Reply
Thank ya kindly! But I've changed it again! What do you think now?
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 19-May-03/7:15 PM | Reply
Fuck yeah! drop the (lived fast) and let it off the leash!!!
[8] richa @ | 20-May-03/10:17 AM | Reply
yes i like the structure,
and rhyming fingers and nimbus is genius
well done
[8] Mona Lisa @ | 20-May-03/11:23 AM | Reply
Bar a few there is some fine poems on the current entries today, this is no exception and the delivery of each line has a message and I loved it.

But do punks really sneer?
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > Mona Lisa | 20-May-03/3:28 PM | Reply
Let's find out. I'll take 30 punks and divide them into two groups and... ah, forget it. Of course punks sneer! It's what they do. They sneer.
[n/a] scitz @ | 20-May-03/11:36 AM | Reply
I remember reading your poems a long time ago and though they were inspiring you REALLY are the cat in silk pajamas now. I'll keep this real: this rocks
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ > scitz | 20-May-03/3:21 PM | Reply
Thanks! Was it really that long ago? It's been less than a year since I discovered this site. You make it sound like I was here before the turn of the century. :-)
[8] edpeterson @ | 10-Apr-04/7:24 AM | Reply
enigmatic, but fresh and a little dark.. . good poem though. wording is very fresh and appealing.
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