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A Broken man (Free verse) by Mikius He loved her
With all his heart
She was as pale blossom
Blown on the warm summer's breeze
From flowers the trees take root
But the sapling did not survive
Trampled underfoot
And left to die
Like so many leaves in fall
He fell with them
(This is only a 1st draft. Suggestions would be appreciated)
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Posted: April 29, 2003 1:56 PM PDT; Last modified: April 29, 2003 1:56 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0715218 Overall Rank: 6546 Comments:
Unless you mean fruit trees. Then, not only is this ace! It's litmus!?
Makes me think that it should perhaps be a collection of haikus; the natural imagery fits the bill perfectly. Personally I'd change 'Trampled underfoot', as a phrase it's very worn.
It took me a second read to realise the 'leaves in fall' bit, I'm not as quick with Americanisms as you are, but it works beautifully. 168 view(s)
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http://www.sandalandsoxer.co.uk/home.htm
my suggestion would be wear shoes and read some Raymundo Carvero todayo okayo.