Poemranker [Poem: A Broken man] [by Mikius] Tue May 21 07:32:57 PDT 2024

He loved her With all his heart She was as pale blossom Blown on the warm summer's breeze From flowers the trees take root But the sapling did not survive Trampled underfoot And left to die Like so many leaves in fall He fell with them (This is only a 1st draft. Suggestions would be appreciated)

[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 30-Apr-03/4:07 PM | Reply

I suggest you not wear your poetry with sandals and socks lest you never get to draft the number, the second, the two. 2. 2. and after the sweaty and defilingly manic laborous second draft, will you go for three the third the 3. I pray you will Mikius. If not for you then for your kin.

http://www.sandalandsoxer.co.uk/home.htm

my suggestion would be wear shoes and read some Raymundo Carvero todayo okayo.

[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-May-03/1:06 PM | Reply

Unless you mean fruit trees. Then, not only is this ace! It's litmus!?

[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 20-Feb-06/5:17 AM | Reply

Makes me think that it should perhaps be a collection of haikus; the natural imagery fits the bill perfectly. Personally I'd change 'Trampled underfoot', as a phrase it's very worn.
It took me a second read to realise the 'leaves in fall' bit, I'm not as quick with Americanisms as you are, but it works beautifully.