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Another Dull Moment (Free verse) by Blindproject217 Another dull day
Another boring moment
I search these desolate streets for signs of life
I am overcome with calamity and strife
Plagued by this earthly mindset
The world is plotting against me
Day and night it plans my demise
My eyes are dimming
The light in this place has long since faded
I choke on the dark
As slowly I am suffocated
I turn my eyes
As I take my last breath
I see your face
And I am in wonder at your beauty
So perfect so picturesque
You take your hand in mine
No longer do I look for a sign
No longer do I search for a reason
The vail is lifted
I stand up and slowly look around
The light comes
And I slowly understand
Why I?ve wasted all this time
Why I?ve wasted all these years
Why I?ve thrown away these moments
Why I?ve used up all tears
Time has come
And time has gone
But you stand here
My longing heart has found no answers to speak of
No longer must I search for reason
I have found it in you
Up the ladder:
a haiku for all you traditionalists, and after you're done reading it you can eat my shorts
Down the ladder:
Creating A Bitch
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.857143
Posted: March 15, 2003 9:27 PM PST; Last modified: March 15, 2003 9:27 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.6926384 Overall Rank: 12045 Comments:
[7]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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16-Mar-03/3:12 PM
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Reply
"The vail is lifted " veil.
I would suggest the following changes:
"Another Dull Moment" --> " " "Another boring moment" --> " " "I search these desolate streets for signs of life" --> " " "I am overcome with calamity and strife" --> " " "Plagued by this earthly mindset" --> " " "The world is plotting against me" --> " " "Day and night it plans my demise" --> " " "My eyes are dimming" --> " " "The light in this place has long since faded" --> " " "I choke on the dark" --> " " "As slowly I am suffocated" --> " " "I turn my eyes" --> " " "As I take my last breath" --> " " "I see your face" --> " " "And I am in wonder at your beauty" --> " " "So perfect so picturesque" --> " " "You take your hand in mine" --> " " "No longer do I look for a sign" --> " " "No longer do I search for a reason" --> " " "The vail is lifted" --> " " "I stand up and slowly look around" --> " " "The light comes" --> " " "And I slowly understand" --> " " "Why I?ve wasted all this time" --> " " "Why I?ve wasted all these years" --> " " "Why I?ve thrown away these moments" --> " " "Why I?ve used up all tears" --> " " " Time has come" --> " " "And time has gone" --> " " "But you stand here" --> " " "My longing heart has found no answers to speak of" --> " " "No longer must I search for reason" --> " " "I have found it in you" --> " "
after which, you can simply change the title to "man choking on own figurative vomit saved by beautiful woman"
hahaha exactly.
Im not sure what happened with those ? marks either, I put a ' but they changed or somthin
Thanx this is my first real attempt at this so it kinda sux.
Damn your good
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