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Currents (Free verse) by Isis Drawn in to a deep of tear,
Struggling, I die.
Execute by yielding,
My oppressor is the sky
The fiendish sun
Throws waves of bright,
Vertically down into the depths.
Dark and light, adjacent stand
Shadows glance, and terrify,
Bind me to my fate.
Up the ladder:
domination
Down the ladder:
Tomorrow
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: July 12, 2002 6:35 PM PDT; Last modified: July 12, 2002 6:35 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7533 Comments:
[9]
pkdrunner @ 64.229.251.179
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12-Jul-02/7:01 PM
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Reply
Isis, the last 7 lines are wonderful! The first line "a deep of tear"? is odd, and struggling and yielding may be what you want to say, but it is not apparent why opposites are in consecutive lines. Overall very good work, I love the imagery of the dark and light, it brings up an image of jail bars. Thanks!
Welcoming that which pulls by pushing
Morituri te salutamus. I'm certain into is a single word, not 2 separate, I looked it up for you just to be sure. Is the sun fiendish? I suppose it is fiendish to watch and do nothing. The sun, to my mind, would throw beams of bright or make waves go bright. But the sun throwing waves is hard for my particular brain to accept. These are unimportant observations, but they did come to me. Take them with a grain of salt. Otherwise ne plus ultra. I've spent a lot of time underwater. You've got the scenery right. 10
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