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Extended Stay (the motel) (Free verse) by THE GOD OF DEATH
I sit On crumbling foundations, Hunched, like the old man I am. A witness to humanity As it falls with me. I see: An old girl who grows up too quickly Between Parents Too caught up in their fight To remember why they do. She escapes, running Down the crumbling halls, Tripping over cracked pavement And stops, Resting her face against Cold, rough, stone, To hide her confused sobs And unloved tears. down the hall: A woman fumbles with needlepoint Ecstacy, Shooting warm nothing into her life. Color explodes into euphoria, And the warmth takes her away From the cracked water stains On the yellowed ceiling And the roaches Scurrying away from her frenzy. She sees God and holds His hand, As the blanket around her muffles From above, the mechanic rhythm Of another's ecstacy, As empty as the one below. The old man, to be young again, Takes pleasure in the act, While the woman Underneath Prays for its end. Her prayer is answered With a gasp and a shudder, As the squeaks decrescendo To a soft pianissimo as Another awakens, A sharp staccato, Of cold sweat. A burning scream frozen on the lips Of horrors long relived. Trembling fingers grope darkness, Searching For their familiar friend: The drink to quiet Haunting nightmares filled with demons Drowning in amber bottles. back to the room of hollowed needle promises: The junkie gets what she wants, As her heart beats Slower and slower, Until she finally gets to see God for the very first real time but watches Him fade away. above, The man falls asleep, And the prostitute Moves to get the money Off he dresser as promised With her naked body, Colored in fever buzzing From the neon outside. Another day she eats So she leaves, passing the crying girl who Covers her ears to quiet The veteran's screams. She closes her eyes to wake up, Then opens them, And realizes this Is the only nightmare She really has.

Up the ladder: the price of success
Down the ladder: Death Of A Rose (New draft)

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 43
.. 10
.. 21
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 01
.. 32

Arithmetic Mean: 5.8
Weighted score: 5.762059
Overall Rank: 1781
Posted: March 5, 2003 1:41 AM PST; Last modified: March 5, 2003 1:42 AM PST
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Comments:
[10] DurtKL @ 68.23.210.171 | 5-Mar-03/1:43 AM | Reply
I like it
-kl
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 64.12.96.234 > DurtKL | 5-Mar-03/1:43 AM | Reply
KL
[0] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 5-Mar-03/2:04 AM | Reply
It's always sad to see straight edged hip hop wigger's trying to describe their mothers pain. You my friend are a master. A true knower of what it is to know what it is. i'm impressed, we all are very very impressed and moved by your words here 10!
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > horus8 | 5-Mar-03/2:07 AM | Reply
????????? I'm really confused....
1) I'm Asian. Not a wigger.
2) Give what you receive. I was honest and straighforward with you and told you merely what I thought.
3) Please be mature and don't say anything about my mother.
[0] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > THE GOD OF DEATH | 5-Mar-03/9:52 AM | Reply
No, i liked the poem Mr. or Mrs. God of death. it's just that well i don't try and write about flying the space shuttle because i haven't granted i could imagine. Now, my point is that theory also applies to your mediocre and one sided grasp of heroin addiction in this poem. It's obvious to me that you've never shot up heroin, or have been close to someone who was a hard core h-addict on any level (and don't give me thaT I'M THE ASIAN DRAGon chaser shit because i see right through it, and this poem, and your face). That was all. oh i meant my mom not yours. i'm the wigger, chiggeri
[10] DurtKL @ 68.23.223.173 > horus8 | 5-Mar-03/10:38 AM | Reply
What do you mean by I'm the Asian dragon chaser shit?
just curious
lol God of Death a chigger...haha....so far from the truth. it's amusing to think about it
[0] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > DurtKL | 5-Mar-03/12:01 PM | Reply
"From above, the mechanic rhythm
Of another's ecstacy,
As empty as the one below.
The old man, to be young again,
Takes pleasure in the act,
While the woman
Underneath
Prays for its end.
Her prayer is answered
With a gasp and a shudder,
As the squeaks decrescendo
To a soft pianissimo" this forced a giggle though. through clenched perfect teeth of course, the squeek of the fecund.
[0] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > DurtKL | 5-Mar-03/12:18 PM | Reply
Don't get me wrong. I like it really, you have woven a finely crafted tale of superb stereotyping and thought provoking inuendo's but in actuality I don't believe that you have the inside lane on what these people have went through. Which leaves a bit of a silly taste in my mouth. Now, obviously i don't believe you to be a chigger on any level. don't be ridiculous. i'm just stating my opinion. i'm not one of these poets bent on explaining pointless rhyme explanations or pentametor. I am not one to argue Neoclassic from Romantic or imitation to intentional fallacy. I consider most poets at six having the ability to rhyme in some creative way, thus it's like math professors discussing simple arithmitic so, point being, when you came over to my poem and started talking rhyme gibberish and all of this other simpleton rubbish i was a bit perturbed, that is all. Poetry is hardly about rhyming. It is an art form used by god's to create entire galaxies. it is magical and should not be taken lightly by dentists or asians anywhere lest they go blind and mad. When you can write a Roman A` Clef get back to me. Durt or God of death or betty or whoever. What i know is people, and you knew very few of the people you presented here in this tale even remotely (maybe one). This is all my opinion, and i am entitled to it. What i am saying in all 'tenses possible' is don't come shit on my yard and not expect me to piss on your fence.
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > horus8 | 8-Mar-03/2:49 AM | Reply
You talk alot for what little you say.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 > DurtKL | 5-Mar-03/1:15 PM | Reply
Don't listen to horus he is in a dark mood and truly too isolated to have any valid opinion, between you and me i think he's jealous.
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > <{Baba^Yaga}> | 8-Mar-03/1:06 AM | Reply
Hahaha thanks for you support. *shrug* Maybe he is, may he isn't. Though he should be slightly more kind. It doesn't matter if this isn't reality... there are good ways of putting things and bad ways.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 > DurtKL | 5-Mar-03/1:17 PM | Reply
Did you see the chigger on crank yankers? Now that was hilarious.
[n/a] TanHand @ 68.14.26.239 > THE GOD OF DEATH | 5-Mar-03/1:36 PM | Reply
"1) I'm Asian. Not a wigger."
Dude, bro, holmes - you have any idea how funny that is??
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > TanHand | 8-Mar-03/2:50 AM | Reply
haha tru dat
[10] Crakyamuni @ 140.211.112.170 | 5-Mar-03/8:17 AM | Reply
Vivid and touching in that sick ass way. Asian/ wigger/ nigger it's quality coming from any mind or stereotyped soul.
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > Crakyamuni | 8-Mar-03/1:07 AM | Reply
Thanks... I didn't mean to be that sick, but maybe I did. Thanks tho.
[9] Mr Pig @ 62.105.88.10 | 5-Mar-03/9:54 AM | Reply
I feel you have rightfully mastered this genre of writing. You have a gift for detailing moments and presenting them with aplomb. I jolly well wish you the best and this you have ordained this quite masterfully.
I bequeath thee a 9.

Bravo !
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > Mr Pig | 8-Mar-03/1:08 AM | Reply
Coming from someone with your talent, I'm flattered. I thank you very much and thank you for the support you've given a fledgling.
[8] emeraldeyes @ 198.247.178.175 | 5-Mar-03/6:57 PM | Reply
this is some good shit!
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > emeraldeyes | 8-Mar-03/1:09 AM | Reply
Hahaha thanks. I like your forwardness.
[n/a] betty @ 128.252.22.85 | 8-Mar-03/2:47 AM | Reply
"she's like a 10" - Tommy Boy ... u da man
[n/a] THE GOD OF DEATH @ 129.15.141.61 > betty | 8-Mar-03/2:48 AM | Reply
YIH
[10] JoyLuck @ 68.75.24.121 | 9-Jul-03/11:40 AM | Reply
Bong Shangin' at the motel
[10] DurtKL @ 68.75.19.117 | 23-Jul-03/11:06 AM | Reply
what do you get
when you cross an owl
with a bungee cord?

MY ASS

- great poem bongshang
[8] deleted user @ 12.220.75.3 | 1-Aug-03/5:40 PM | Reply
This is very good. I feel a sense of a detachment from every scene, as is the the case with the first-person view of the writer: an observer of these people in a motel. Some of the imagery could be stronger at the beginning and the end, but the middle is vividly drawn attracting attention to each descriptive detail. 8
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