| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
wandering, north (Lyric) by <~> Fighting these feelings
Fighting my pride
Fighting the faith
That let me slide
Looking for answers
Hoping for hope
Searching for something
That's not a joke
Since trivial seems
The simplest path
The one those around me
Lock onto, grasp
With desperate smiles,
And the promise held dear
That nobody made them,
And yet they will swear
That this is their due,
This is their dream,
This sweetened vision
Of futures they've seen
And I am alone
And I am without
I am within
My own fertile doubts
Fighting these feelings
Fighting my pride
Fighting the faith
That I let slide
for caducus, the dreamer
Up the ladder:
Perversions
Down the ladder:
lost
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.1666665
Posted: February 18, 2003 8:42 PM PST; Last modified: February 18, 2003 8:45 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.1588583 Overall Rank: 1047 Comments:
This is so thoughtful in both respects. Thank you I will cherish it dearly. I loved this :
And I am alone And I am without I am within My own fertile doubts Fighting these feelings Fighting my pride Fighting the faith That I let slide -----you turned my blood warm all over.......xxxx cad
"Fighting these feelings
Fighting my pride Fighting the faith That let me slide" let's might help instead of singular.
why would you like it present tense? the slide is finished. there's no ebb and flow--he's slid.
is this what you mean?
Is this a joke?? This is the most bitterly derisive piece of poetry ever written. When you rhyme hope with joke...well the act of RHYMING is a bit silly, isn't it? Unless it is transparent. Which in this case, it isn't. 7 for not making your intentions clearer.
have you heard of near rhymes, goldfinger? perfect rhyming would have made this more trite, a line it thinly treads now. but has a beat, and you can sure as hell dance to it. and it sticks in your craw, tan one.
it is the way it is because it has a target. it hit that target, dead center. see caducus's comment for confirmation of this. as an advertising design student, you should realize by now that it doesn't matter if it's perfect, or even if it's good; you--as it's creator--might even think it sucks. what matters is that your client blows his load when he sees it. and then writes the check. the money's in the bank. the client's happy. there are plenty of other poems that i wrote for myself on this site, and there are a few more in the notebook that i need to hit with the chisel before i post them here. rank me on those, monkey boy.
mmm....its missing something, im too distanced from it for some reason. 5.
nice poem... makes a person think... thats what writing is all about.
Keep on writing because those of us the feeling and those of us that refuse to feel are the ones that have created language.
Unbelievably bad.0
mon petit chou! il a été si isolé ici sans vous!
plus de baisers!
nice
318 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
but the rest I loved. 9.
just posted a poem that was (sort of) an attempt to diverge from "my style" (and sort of just a needed, erm, release).