This is great. God i wish i could write like you, but as many will confirm i always end up producing a load of old rubbish.

Just one small suggestion, perhaps you could change the last three words to "I wub wou"

didnt kind of have the flow, bit too predictable. -5-

"state of selfhood"? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Seriously, though, your eloquent and moving use of "you" to rhyme with "you" shall surely put you solidly into our grand poetic tradition. You may even dethrone shakespeare! One thing, though: wouldn't the touch of someone's eyes be all squishy and gooey? Not to mention painful for the other person. Lastly, leave God out of this poeme. I asked the big guy, YH-to-the-VH about you and he said, "Never heard of her." Then he fell back asleep. However, the archangel Jibreel did say that you deserve a zero for this lump of solidified porcupine smegma. Who am I to defy divine will

First of all razongrin you should think about going on American Idol; you'd probably dethrone Simon Cowell. As for chicka_babe05 and Feeling, no offense but as Robert Frost once said, "Poetry that doesn't rhyme is like playing tennis without a net." And so you know, your net is barely holding, if at all. My guess is this poem is for someone you like, hopefully male. So I understand that it has to be romantic and all, but don't rhyme words with the same words, and don't use 7 yous or variations of you in a 10 line poem. Poems like these make the listener or reader dumber than he/she already is. The sentimentality is there; but nothing else is there. Try to make it better, put more effort into it. And if you still can't come up with anything better than this, there's always stilling a poem online. Try lovepoems.com. I'm very helpful ain't I? (that's sarcastic in case you couldn't figure it out)-2- sympathy vote. At least you made some attempt and have the sentimentality part down

nice :)

I like the pulsing rhythm.

in the state of selfhood? 11! psyche.