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untitled (readjuster) (Free verse) by pomoxo
The readjuster's come to town; warmth collapses into my body. I've got a shivering grin for the evanescent sun that's flown in, dropped by for a quick stint. A joke it is I'm laughing behind my own composite, He's tweaking me back into the lucid rut where I love to glide and grudge; the tangible flow of yet-to-be-set concrete, flashes of a bridge I knew, a bridge I could have been poured into- But I'm static evaporating frenetic indentured to his land of mirage fields that conceal deleterious metal and dissolute strands of the dirt over which I once had command.

Down the ladder: Loss I havn't yet known

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.714286
Weighted score: 4.9231596
Overall Rank: 9395
Posted: January 20, 2003 5:11 PM PST; Last modified: January 20, 2003 5:11 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] deleted user @ 67.84.171.238 | 20-Jan-03/5:42 PM | Reply
nice.
[9] wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.167 | 20-Jan-03/6:06 PM | Reply
very nice...9
[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 | 20-Jan-03/8:36 PM | Reply
Deleterious aye? Metal you say? Command? I see. Very well. Good one. Nice ending

I feel if you were to structure it like this:

The re-adjuster's come to town;
warmth collapses into my body.
I've got a shivering grin for
the evanescent sun that's flown in,
dropped by for a quick stint.
A joke it is, I'm laughing
behind my own composite,
He's tweaking me back into
the lucid rut, where I love
to glide and grudge;
the tangible flow of
yet-to-be-set concrete,
flashes of a bridge I knew,
a bridge I could have been
poured into-But, I'm static, evaporating frenetic
indentured to his land
of mirage fields that conceal deleterious metal,
and dissolute strands
of the dirt over which
I once had command


You forgot to finish your sentence.
Did I?
Yes.
By the way, you are a filthy wizard.
I assumed you be out running errands
for the Bio power network currently,
but lo and behold, you've graced us with your presense.
I would of guessed you'd be out recycling vegetable oil
for your countrymen's cause
What a curious notion.
[7] Thyme @ 203.15.35.60 | 20-Jan-03/8:39 PM | Reply
I get the feeling there's more depth in this than I'm picking up on. Still, I like what I read.
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