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untitled (readjuster) (Free verse) by pomoxo The readjuster's come to town;
warmth collapses into my body.
I've got a shivering grin
for the evanescent sun
that's flown in,
dropped by for a quick stint.
A joke it is I'm laughing
behind my own composite,
He's tweaking me back into
the lucid rut
where I love to glide and grudge;
the tangible flow
of yet-to-be-set
concrete,
flashes of a bridge I knew,
a bridge I could have been poured into-
But I'm static evaporating frenetic
indentured to his land
of mirage fields that conceal
deleterious metal and dissolute strands
of the dirt over which
I once had command.
Up the ladder:
the feeling was never there
Down the ladder:
Loss I havn't yet known
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.714286
Posted: January 20, 2003 5:11 PM PST; Last modified: January 20, 2003 5:11 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9231596 Overall Rank: 9400 Comments:
[8]
deleted user @ 67.84.171.238
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20-Jan-03/5:42 PM
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Reply
nice.
very nice...9
Deleterious aye? Metal you say? Command? I see. Very well. Good one. Nice ending
I feel if you were to structure it like this: The re-adjuster's come to town; warmth collapses into my body. I've got a shivering grin for the evanescent sun that's flown in, dropped by for a quick stint. A joke it is, I'm laughing behind my own composite, He's tweaking me back into the lucid rut, where I love to glide and grudge; the tangible flow of yet-to-be-set concrete, flashes of a bridge I knew, a bridge I could have been poured into-But, I'm static, evaporating frenetic indentured to his land of mirage fields that conceal deleterious metal, and dissolute strands of the dirt over which I once had command
You forgot to finish your sentence.
Did I?
Yes.
By the way, you are a filthy wizard.
I assumed you be out running errands for the Bio power network currently, but lo and behold, you've graced us with your presense. I would of guessed you'd be out recycling vegetable oil for your countrymen's cause
What a curious notion.
I get the feeling there's more depth in this than I'm picking up on. Still, I like what I read.
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