poemranker ::untitled (readjuster) by pomoxo

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 37203

untitled (readjuster)

Member since 2003 · Posted 20 Jan 2003 · 9 comments

The readjuster's come to town; warmth collapses into my body. I've got a shivering grin for the evanescent sun that's flown in, dropped by for a quick stint. A joke it is I'm laughing behind my own composite, He's tweaking me back into the lucid rut where I love to glide and grudge; the tangible flow of yet-to-be-set concrete, flashes of a bridge I knew, a bridge I could have been poured into- But I'm static evaporating frenetic indentured to his land of mirage fields that conceal deleterious metal and dissolute strands of the dirt over which I once had command.

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9 comments

[8] deleted user 20-Jan-03/5:42 PM Reply
nice.
[9] wOrnella Mutiw 20-Jan-03/6:06 PM Reply
very nice...9
[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos 20-Jan-03/8:36 PM Reply
Deleterious aye? Metal you say? Command? I see. Very well. Good one. Nice ending

I feel if you were to structure it like this:

The re-adjuster's come to town;
warmth collapses into my body.
I've got a shivering grin for
the evanescent sun that's flown in,
dropped by for a quick stint.
A joke it is, I'm laughing
behind my own composite,
He's tweaking me back into
the lucid rut, where I love
to glide and grudge;
the tangible flow of
yet-to-be-set concrete,
flashes of a bridge I knew,
a bridge I could have been
poured into-But, I'm static, evaporating frenetic
indentured to his land
of mirage fields that conceal deleterious metal,
and dissolute strands
of the dirt over which
I once had command


[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Jeremi B. Handrinos 20-Jan-03/9:03 PM Reply
You forgot to finish your sentence.
[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 20-Jan-03/9:32 PM Reply
Did I?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Jeremi B. Handrinos 20-Jan-03/9:41 PM Reply
Yes.
[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 20-Jan-03/9:38 PM Reply
By the way, you are a filthy wizard.
I assumed you be out running errands
for the Bio power network currently,
but lo and behold, you've graced us with your presense.
I would of guessed you'd be out recycling vegetable oil
for your countrymen's cause
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Jeremi B. Handrinos 20-Jan-03/9:41 PM Reply
What a curious notion.
[7] Thyme 20-Jan-03/8:39 PM Reply
I get the feeling there's more depth in this than I'm picking up on. Still, I like what I read.