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The Queen & The Locksmith (Sonnet) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
From sunset 'til dawn, I'm grinding your keys. It's become assembly line robotic. The truth leaves me crippled, forced to beg "please". Smirking, you herald me, "New & Ionic". You bid me, "Need nothing", but file your lines. Sparks, and the wheel's shrill, all days & all ways. Your heel in the small of me back defines. Each way a man loves, and to what he prays. You chained me with habits, and claimed, "'twas best". That a man could be drug held by your form. Needing your nature, I did not resist. My compulsive drive bid, "drone in your swarm". Now I'm hypnotised by your soft wing's song. It speaks to the yearn, I have too belong".

Down the ladder: We'll be Louvers and shade

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 61
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.1666665
Weighted score: 6.58396
Overall Rank: 624
Posted: January 17, 2003 7:42 PM PST; Last modified: July 6, 2003 8:01 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Thyme @ 203.15.35.60 | 20-Jan-03/8:31 PM | Reply
Liked your second stanza but you lost me in the first - couldn't comprehend lines 4 through 9 and I thought the rhythm was a little stilted in this stanza.
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.113.154 > Thyme | 6-Jul-03/8:01 PM | Reply
Now does it do it for you?
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 6-Jul-03/8:16 PM | Reply
Wow. I understand it, and yet I don't. Confusing to say the least, but I'm quite impressed. -10-
[1] Sasha @ 69.140.246.96 | 14-Apr-04/7:30 PM | Reply
Not Iambic pentameter. Forced. Inverted, introverted. A bad poem in general
[n/a] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > Sasha | 14-Apr-04/7:35 PM | Reply
Don't make me give my "sonnets don't have to be iambic pentameter" speech again...
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