Replying to a comment on:

The Queen & The Locksmith (Sonnet) by Jeremi B. Handrinos

From sunset 'til dawn, I'm grinding your keys. It's become assembly line robotic. The truth leaves me crippled, forced to beg "please". Smirking, you herald me, "New & Ionic". You bid me, "Need nothing", but file your lines. Sparks, and the wheel's shrill, all days & all ways. Your heel in the small of me back defines. Each way a man loves, and to what he prays. You chained me with habits, and claimed, "'twas best". That a man could be drug held by your form. Needing your nature, I did not resist. My compulsive drive bid, "drone in your swarm". Now I'm hypnotised by your soft wing's song. It speaks to the yearn, I have too belong".

Thyme 20-Jan-03/8:31 PM
Liked your second stanza but you lost me in the first - couldn't comprehend lines 4 through 9 and I thought the rhythm was a little stilted in this stanza.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001