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The Poem of an Eighth-Grader (Free verse) by jessicazee
I feel sad as a dandelion losing yellowness fast a setting sun, an evening of a flower. Wispy grey hair is all that remains that disappear with a child's weakest breath. Blow and little dead dancers fall, scatter, but it's okay, little girl, the seeds will plant themselves.

Up the ladder: When she beats me
Down the ladder: The Chastisement of Cupid

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Weighted score: 5.2145653
Overall Rank: 4337
Posted: January 14, 2003 3:42 PM PST; Last modified: January 14, 2003 3:42 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 14-Jan-03/5:00 PM | Reply
also weedy.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.106 | 14-Jan-03/6:35 PM | Reply
Middle school genius.
[7] <~> @ 67.84.171.238 | 15-Jan-03/10:55 PM | Reply
very sweet. excellent idea for a poem. nice comparison.

okay, adult crticism, since you posted on an adult site:
dandelions don't lose color at night; they close up. it's really cool to watch. so, lesson #1: write about what you know. that being said, the 'help' page on this site has some great references. this is one of my favorites:
http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/imagery.html

keep up the good work!
[n/a] jessicazee @ 152.163.189.171 > <~> | 18-Jan-03/12:55 PM | Reply
thanks for the input...
that being said, I am 30 yrs old, and I found this poem in an 8th grade journal of mine. I know they don't lose color at night; I think the "fading" bit was meant as a metaphor to the death of the flower and gradual reinvention to seed pod. Adult to elder.
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