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The Poem of an Eighth-Grader

Member since 2002 · Posted 14 Jan 2003 · 4 comments

I feel sad as a dandelion losing yellowness fast a setting sun, an evening of a flower. Wispy grey hair is all that remains that disappear with a child's weakest breath. Blow and little dead dancers fall, scatter, but it's okay, little girl, the seeds will plant themselves.

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4 comments

[9] horus8 14-Jan-03/5:00 PM Reply

also weedy.

[9] INTRANSIT 14-Jan-03/6:35 PM Reply

Middle school genius.

[7] <~> 15-Jan-03/10:55 PM Reply

very sweet. excellent idea for a poem. nice comparison.

okay, adult crticism, since you posted on an adult site:
dandelions don't lose color at night; they close up. it's really cool to watch. so, lesson #1: write about what you know. that being said, the 'help' page on this site has some great references. this is one of my favorites:
http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/imagery.html

keep up the good work!

[n/a] jessicazee › <~> 18-Jan-03/12:55 PM Reply

thanks for the input...
that being said, I am 30 yrs old, and I found this poem in an 8th grade journal of mine. I know they don't lose color at night; I think the "fading" bit was meant as a metaphor to the death of the flower and gradual reinvention to seed pod. Adult to elder.