Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Skin, Bone, Flesh & Blood (Free verse) by scitz
I realize now, that I have achieved nothing that I set out to do. A part of you dies when you realize that love is no longer true. For I have felt love, Even though it only lasted a while, Its just such a loss, when memories of us are the only moment I can smile. Back then I never knew it, But I was so contented, Every barrier I had you went right through it, And every good trait of me, did not wait for me, to represent it. Now I feel lonely within this cage of bone and skin, I have tried every lie, every sin. You have moved on I have not, I still remember you, But you have forgot. I am skin, bone flesh and blood. With empty spaces within, all alone, skin, bone, flesh and blood, will sin the stones that were left for our good. I still grieve over you, and will to the end, For our love was true, but broken hearts do not mend. I became skin, bone, flesh and blood for loving you.

Up the ladder: Skin

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 21
.. 20
.. 11
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.25
Overall Rank: 4010
Posted: December 21, 2002 4:36 AM PST; Last modified: December 21, 2002 4:36 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[8] wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.167 | 21-Dec-02/4:58 PM | Reply
love...what a bitch...sincere and true...8
[7] <~> @ 172.150.254.246 | 21-Dec-02/9:57 PM | Reply
um, weren't you already "skin, bone, flesh and blood"? or did i miss something?
[n/a] scitz @ 62.105.88.10 > <~> | 23-Dec-02/2:32 AM | Reply
Yes, ZZinnia of course I already was skin, bone, flesh and blood but for loving her thats all I became, I lost my soul, and soulmate

Thats what I meant.
[7] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > scitz | 23-Dec-02/6:19 AM | Reply
i think you need to imply that. she awoke the soul in you; she breathed fire into your being. the repeat has a lovely cadence to it, but you have left out the crux of it. be empty before and empty after--in words.

see, i thought that was what you meant, but i could have thought anything. i wanted more clues.

also, this line is confusing to me:
And every good trait of me,
did not wait for me, to represent it.
[n/a] -=SeTTle=- @ 63.214.110.194 > <~> | 23-Dec-02/8:16 PM | Reply
YOU FORGOT TO MENTION THE WOEFULLY INADEQUATE INCLUSION OF A COCKSUCKING THEMEr
[n/a] -=SeTTle=- @ 63.214.110.194 > -=SeTTle=- | 23-Dec-02/8:16 PM | Reply
ON A SECOND READING, I REALIZE I AM WRONG.A
[7] <~> @ 67.84.171.238 > -=SeTTle=- | 23-Dec-02/9:04 PM | Reply
he said 'bone'

a lot.
[6] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 22-Dec-02/3:48 PM | Reply
"contented" really? what are you now, contenting?
[5] Jill Stockinger @ 127.0.0.1 | 27-Dec-20/4:15 PM | Reply
You move from "I" to "you" - I recommend keeping the same point of view throughout the whole poem. some poor lines: 'Every barrier I had, you went right through it"
_forcing lines that are not correct grammar just to get the rhyme is not useful: as in "you have forgot"-"will sin the stone". Hope this is useful.
179 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001