| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Exhaustion (Free verse) by vulcan She answered Yes
To my languid eyes
I whispered "what?"
She became my mistress.
Up the ladder:
Shwe Nat
Down the ladder:
Untitled
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.375
Posted: November 27, 2002 11:17 AM PST; Last modified: November 27, 2002 11:17 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.100853 Overall Rank: 6041 Comments:
[8]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.106
|
27-Nov-02/2:04 PM
|
Reply
Get your eyes checked. That won't happen as often.
This does not comply with the dictates of logical poetics.
But seriously, theres something about the word "mistress" that I just don't like. But I was going along with it until the final line. Maybe if it was made into a Haiku?
like a bullit. concubines are groovy. here's a 9. the title works well off of te statement, as it should.
248 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
