DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Untitled

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 5 comments

you'll still be in my memory when my memory is long gone when everything is gone and the world has moved on you'll be there and I'll still be dancing with the dandelions I'll always be there take your time lay on the grass and look at the stars 'cause I'm up there I'll be the one you see the pale star I'll twinkle and say hello I sure can and I'll be the one you see the cold and twinkling star

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5 comments

[n/a] deleted user 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply

why a cold twinkling star? I like the dancing with the dandelions image you carried over. The first stanza should be cut to 3 lines. Tighten it. The last stanza probably the same. You need to economize on words, tighten your images.

[2] anonymous 19-Jul-01/10:01 AM Reply

NO TITLE???? WHAT??????????

[n/a] deleted user 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply

not quite sure how this ties together

[3] Bachus 9-Aug-02/8:29 PM Reply

The pale star, as opposed to the Dark~Star. To twinkle is to eat bad macaroni salad. Don't frickin twinkle.

[n/a] Artemis745 11-Oct-03/3:09 PM Reply

Each stanza needs to have more of a flow to the next.