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Untitled (Free verse) by Piano

you'll still be in my memory when my memory is long gone when everything is gone and the world has moved on you'll be there and I'll still be dancing with the dandelions I'll always be there take your time lay on the grass and look at the stars 'cause I'm up there I'll be the one you see the pale star I'll twinkle and say hello I sure can and I'll be the one you see the cold and twinkling star

markb 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
why a cold twinkling star? I like the dancing with the dandelions image you carried over. The first stanza should be cut to 3 lines. Tighten it. The last stanza probably the same. You need to economize on words, tighten your images.




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