| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Mind of War (Free verse) by t_t_redhot Red to blue, blue
to gray.
The dark of night never
turns to day.
The flowers never bloom,
birds don't sing.
Death is apon us on
the raven's wing.
As the raven flies it takes
all that is well.
Everything that was is
now hell.
We smile for the dead,
morn for the living.
Happiness, as you see, is
not for the giving.
Death will come soon for
all who believe,
death is apon the
raven's wing.
Up the ladder:
Essential Love
Down the ladder:
Make Me A pie
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.230769
Posted: October 26, 2002 7:29 PM PDT; Last modified: October 26, 2002 7:29 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.4376473 Overall Rank: 12917 Comments:
[8]
debased @ 24.43.45.89
|
26-Oct-02/7:40 PM
|
Reply
good imagery
do you know something we don't??
I think you are trying to be deep here for your own good. This sounds like a good Stan Rice poem. But that just will not do. Maybe try to calm the images a bit.
this is nothing like stans rice work, so don't listen to that guy who can right a poem in 126 seconds while listening to culturally significant jazz and oops goddamnit plugging up the toilet for the bluecollar people on the first snow of winter in 126 seconds. hooray for the muted trumpet and a drunk snacking too much at three in the morning. this poem is a bit passe and bland, but it hangs well and gets the point across simple enough.d
Thank you both for the comments, even if I have no clue who the hell Stans Rice is. Most people don't really understand what my point is. All it is about is the war of thoughts, feeling, regrets, anger, and lack of control over one's life. Very simple but put into word and phrases that can paint you a picture of a real war. But thankyou both again.
Your welcome. The Rice thing was a cast, and see, it worked.. As for the poem, I do think your intentions are sincere but maybe the language is a bit over dramatic.
Hey what do you expect I am a woman being dramatic is my life. I live with drama in my job everyday so way not put it is words that best describes it. Thanks again, Tiffany
Thanks for that wedsite too. I am enjoying reading the poems from this Rice guy. He can really paint a picture for you.
It is not jazz. Croon should give that away. In addition, it is "write." Try the exercise sometime. It might help the mental constipation of talking in circles and making even less sense. Paranoia may destroy ya. See you soon. With love, PAKI.
me likey try some of my work and Topaz Servias
you have a maggot on your lip, go like this [i make a motion at wiping my mouth, you wipe but miss yours] almost.k
140 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
