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When Your Best Friend Says You Drink Too Much (Free verse) by jessicazee
In the mind of an outed alkie Whose in fingered quotes a best friend Who can't, in parentheses, take it anymore, What's a girl to do? You actually bite people, I mean this without irony, I've seen the marks of orthodontia On my own friends like So many pit bulls. I remember shared stories Laced with arsenic and too ripe cheese, Old lace, new knitting, And rediscovered grenadinisms. (from the pomegranate like I was trying to say). You can tell me I make up words, But if I made them up And you know What I'm talking about, Aren't those Just old words Coming back from the crypt that we built together out of dry leaves and sand? I said graffitied; Your words were all in French or Portuguese When you were feeling international. We may have altered languages, But the tongues that let us have these things Are bred in us Like a cancer in the groin Or a sweet pea seed I thought was a bluish morning glory.

Up the ladder: Bowstones, 21st June 200
Down the ladder: PHandAcid

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.142857
Weighted score: 5.03842
Overall Rank: 7188
Posted: October 18, 2002 12:41 AM PDT; Last modified: October 18, 2002 12:41 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 18-Oct-02/7:20 AM | Reply
This is full of really great imagery - your visual imagination is full of marvels - but the poem as a whole doesn't hang together for me. Perhaps you should try tighter structures? This is almost too allusive, to the point of incoherence. But your eyes and ears are finely tuned...
[n/a] jessicazee @ 205.188.208.42 > Christof | 18-Oct-02/10:07 AM | Reply
Incoherent yes. I had a few too many whiskeys lastnight methinks to start tapping away at the keys. I need to iron this out a bit, I agree.
[n/a] god'swife @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Oct-02/10:12 AM | Reply
Your previous 2 were so good, my expectations are not met with this one, but I can see it in there, like a red speck in an egg. The last stanza is my favorite. Trying starting with that one and see were it leads, Sugar Dumpling.
[10] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Oct-02/1:11 PM | Reply
The Bachian tribunal choice of the day. odelay!!!!!!!! 10! why, because of the squashed pomegranates and our stained fingers.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.113.154 | 8-Dec-02/2:00 PM | Reply
i got kicked off a spanish soap opera one time at a party after work for biting this girl then getting naked and pretending my shoe was a phone...i had a four foot sunflower and was challenging fools to sword fights, ewrr flower fights? actually...daMN TEQUILLA it justs gets harder and harder to keep a straight face in the view of infinity.
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