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Snow-White (Free verse) by vulcan They cannot make me smile,these baleful balls of snow
Though they've made me a snowman
Of swelling red nose,wrapped up in a gown of Sorrow.
As still as Death that speaks not but overwhelms
I move on like a ghost embracing the Night.
Through the howling storm and the White-Cloaks'scowl
I walk on with my Soul
And a murmur now unsound "O my unconquerable Sole!"
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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.8666666
Posted: October 14, 2002 2:02 AM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2002 8:53 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.0017633 Overall Rank: 13373 Comments:
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-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215
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14-Oct-02/7:31 AM
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Reply
Oh good God, no!! Not an "GOWN OF SORROW"!!! I bought my gown from a very disreputable Merchante who had but a badmington racquet where his face should have been. Perhaps it is a GOWN OF SORROW.
my carp could conquer your sole any day. with his fins tied behind his back, even.
Overwhelmed by snowmen? Have been raised in So.Cal. I suppose I'm not one to judge really. That's one scary snowman.
v-this poem is fraught with mixed imagery. you mean to make it sorrowful, but the snowman with the swollen nose makes it comical. and, please, check your spelling. a 'sole' and a 'soul' are very different.
to what end? i don't get it.
Think please of the Unsound murmur and a man who Thinks is walking by his Soul and ends in a murmur (a mortal murmur)that says quite the reverse
vulcan, i have read and re-read this poem, and i do not consider myself a dense person, so i must conclude that:
a) i am not as well-read as you, and you are alluding to something i perhaps should have read, that would be the key to unlock the poem b) the metaphor is clear in your mind, but has not translated well to the reader at large c) i am dense
e) maybe if vulcan decides if the snow has made the protagonist into a snow man, or if some one has meade a snowman for the amusement of the protagonist, and conveys that more clearly; maybe if vulcan can explain how the balls of snow are balful; maybe if vulcan can explain how said protagonist is still yet moving through a storm (which generally requires a struggle) 'as Death' implies the protagonist not being dead; maybe vulcan mean he/she is doomed to walk in the snowstorm forever, and thus the use of 'sole'? have i hit on any of your main points, and if so, COULD YOU PLEASE pare the damn thing down and try NOT to be obscure? one may write worlds that taste diaphanous without occluding the vision.
jesus, vulcan, it just doesn't work like that. it's too archaic sounding, and doesn't come off that way at all. sorry.
Well, he''s dressed in sorrow, compares himself to death, and grieves for his soul.
and, calling it 'snow-white' conjurs disney for me. now i am not everyman, but i think you might consider the efeect the title has on the piece overall.
i like what you are trying to say, but you are not communicating it effectively
such sorrow in your words... good read vulcan :o)
If the baleful balls have to do with wailing sirens, as you say, then why would you even consider smiling? Who are you referring to when you say 'they', the snow balls? If the snowballs are your antagonist, then being one of your poem's "main characters", why did you not capitalize snowballs as you did Sorrow, Death, and Soul, etc, to give the word more personality and character? Anyway, I liked your poem overall.
I'm taking it that the 'Sole' refers to the solitary?
Thanks for the comments Christof!yes mental and physical loneliness!a deranged moment in a distorted image of self.
ok
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