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Cheap Thrills (Free verse) by Owner of the Sky I would like to meet
God.
Where do I get a priority number?
Is the line going to be long?
I'd hate to think,
I'd have to wait for hours.
But then again, I do that
For a roller coaster ride.
When I have my conversation with
Him,
Will it only last two minutes?
Is God
A cheap thrill?
Up the ladder:
-=Dark_Angel=- & The Canon Episcopi
Down the ladder:
Life
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: September 29, 2002 11:11 AM PDT; Last modified: September 29, 2002 11:11 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7511 Comments:
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.107
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29-Sep-02/4:17 PM
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Reply
Poingnant,scary,funny.8
I like this. To the point, sharp, sad.
Told me to much. Good thought, but it is not communicated effectively.
Thanks for the 3. *orgasmic*
I thought you said it wasn't communicated effectively. Then how come it told you too much?
Look, I don't feel like arguing with idiots who think they are writers today. You "told" me too much and forgot to show me really much of anything. It is a top five rule in creative writing, especially poetry. Show, don't tell. And in an attempt at a clever ditty, it is all the more important. You left nothing to the reader. And you are welcome for the 3, I thought I was being kind. I will give it more thought next time.
Did you just call me an idiot?
What rules? Vers libre. Free verse. End of story. And who died and made you god anyway?
Yes, your comment was full of idiocy and your rebuttal was also silly. Every writer who is a writer and struggles with writing knows that you must "show" and not tell. It is the images, the metaphors, etc. that transcend the work from a mere report on an observation into something resembling art. Instead of getting your shorts in a mess, take a look at the poem and see what you can do with it. Find where you can replace telling with images. Like I said, it is a nice idea, but a poor attempt at communicating it.
Will you at least apologise for calling me an idiot?
this comes across a little too simply for my tastes. i see where pnk's complaining about the show-don't tell.
However, I wouldn't be surprised if that's the intent, making a cheap thrill out of this poem entitled cheap thrill about a cheap thrill. Which would elevate it some -- a really good cheap thrill.
I did not call you an idiot; I said your comment and rebuttal were full of idiocy, which they were. But I am sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way. I am a kind man who is fond of goats. And the day is lovely in California, so I shall only give you sweet regards from this moment hence. God is dead.
Thanks :o) Sorry for taking this whole bit personally, but you scare me, cause I've read your comments on other people's works, and some of them weren't nice.
God isn't dead.
the night is lovely in a ghastly way in connecticut; but i am HOME!. ah. nice.
now, as to this poem, yes, it is a good idea, but is hastily and sloppily executed, and so, it disappoints. free verse does not mean lax verse. god is neither dead nor alive. so there.
did you put him in the deep freeze?
is that where you have been, wingy-d? i have missed you so!
In the freezer with god? searching for last years pork and stout gnocchi? discussing the good old days? sculpting flowers out of orange ice lollies? Could I claim such a thing? Would it be blasphemous?
well when you die you will get your #, the line will be very fucking long, and yeah, its a cheap thrill, anything with as much hype as he's been getting is bound to be
No, I'd say he'S a pretty expensive one. You have to die to meet him, after all. Or take acid.
Makes me think of a depeche mode song, 'and i dont want to start any blasphemous rumours but i think that god has a sick sense of humour and when i die i expect to find him laughing' -liked the end of this and the ideas behind it, you have your own little world full of overpopulated thoughts - cool -8
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