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dps 2 - new ver.

Member since 2002 · Posted 16 Sep 2002 · 4 comments

i gaze across the room i watch silently two sparkling blue droplets answer my call my view falls to the barren floor carpe diem i remember words conjuring in my mind like spells of the olden days oh captain, my captain thoughts from the back of my head i long to look up to leer upon the sunset where the blue of her eyes meets gold flowing in every direction such beauty awaits before me still all i see is the ground

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mean 5.57 weighted 5.15 rank 5183 views 111 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

4 comments

[7] nentwined 16-Sep-02/11:24 PM Reply

I've grown fond of version one; this one doesn't appeal to me so much.

[n/a] Christof 18-Sep-02/8:05 AM Reply

Version 1 is much better than this - simpler, more honest, less 'poetic'.

[9] New Life Drug 10-Oct-02/9:43 PM Reply

I like version one a tad better, (i say the first is always best because its raw, and meaningful) but this one i like because you've added lines filled with description, which is good, but the atmosphere has dissolved. I especially like the last section and of that "where the blue of her eyes meets gold flowing in every direction such beuty awaits before me still all i see is the ground" very lovely

[8] horus8 27-Dec-02/5:28 PM Reply

very romantic and surreal. captivating visuals. a wonderful poem.e