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dps 2 - new ver. (Free verse) by decadentlaurel

i gaze across the room i watch silently two sparkling blue droplets answer my call my view falls to the barren floor carpe diem i remember words conjuring in my mind like spells of the olden days oh captain, my captain thoughts from the back of my head i long to look up to leer upon the sunset where the blue of her eyes meets gold flowing in every direction such beauty awaits before me still all i see is the ground

New Life Drug 10-Oct-02/9:43 PM
I like version one a tad better, (i say the first is always best because its raw, and meaningful) but this one i like because you've added lines filled with description, which is good, but the atmosphere has dissolved. I especially like the last section and of that "where the blue of her eyes meets gold flowing in every direction such beuty awaits before me still all i see is the ground" very lovely




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