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dps (Free verse) by decadentlaurel i look at her
she is reading
i look still
she looks
i see the ground
carpe diem
i remember
oh captain, my captain
thoughts from the back of my head
will i look again
will our eyes meet
will my heart flutter
never to try
never to jump
never to fly
waiting before me
sits such beauty
still all i see is the ground
Up the ladder:
Few Too Little
Down the ladder:
From the Loading Bench
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.375
Posted: September 15, 2002 8:38 PM PDT; Last modified: September 16, 2002 11:54 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.100853 Overall Rank: 6035 Comments:
[9]
nentwined @ 192.168.0.69
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16-Sep-02/12:23 AM
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Reply
This is cute; I like the toss of "Oh captain, my captain" into the mix. The poem as a whole has a good flow/feel to it.
look up! look up! look up! although, there is a microcosm in the ground as well. (but i do not think that that discovery is what your heart longs for here) also, what is 'dps'?
Digital Processing Systems? Double penetrating susan? Department of perverts and sados? Dudley public schools? Or Dead poets society?
dead poets soceity. i couldn't think of a name. nameless? whatever. dps is good (movie maybe not name though).
I don't understand how "i to look away again" fits in. I don't know what exactly you've changed, but my only stumbling block at the moment is "i to look away again"
HAHAHAH yeah i screwed up..?
sorry.
ok.. hrmm. i think it went something like
yeah i changed this one and wanted to leave it alone because i didn't want to lose the original. will i look again will our eyes meet will my heart flutter never... never... never...
I can relate..
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