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Money Back (Free verse) by drnick wikedddd smiles and fifty dollars
and no apologies
you came snd shoved your fist inside
with no apologies
your vomit yur face your nose and throat
no apologies
stupid face will always show
there's no apologeze.
Up the ladder:
Feast On Me
Down the ladder:
Flower of Lebanon
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: June 22, 2006 10:30 PM PDT; Last modified: June 22, 2006 10:30 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7954 Comments:
[7]
amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.143.27
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22-Jun-06/10:49 PM
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Reply
Hmmmmm. I like the last two lines that sum up the first six lines . Other than that I ain't relating much to it although I get the scene. Sorry to disappoint.
Great repeating lines, they make this catchy and cool. A bit more punctuation wouldn't go amiss though.
How did the year go? The ranker's missed your presence recently, hope things are going well!
Glad to see you're still around, i thought the group that i was familiar with had all left. The year went well, im sure i could have done better but then i wouldnt have had as good of a time. Hopefully I'll be able to put some consistent time here now, though. What have you been up to?
Yeah, I think quite a lot of the old guard have moved on, but a few of us are still about. I've finished for the year, and am home over the summer - killing myself working and not having time to write despite promising myself I'd set some aside. Quite honestly I've had the most boring couple of months imaginable...maybe I should have gone to Michigan instead of Cardiff, by the sound of things. A bit more of a trek to America though.
I have got a couple of poems waiting to be submitted; they need a bit of an edit and some proper time before I can bring myself to inflict them on you all though. 185 view(s)
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