poemranker ::colourful cavalcade by pollywolly

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Free verse № 142859

colourful cavalcade

by pollywolly

Member since 2006 · Posted 1 May 2006 · 3 comments

a crimson cascade capers to the ground from the creaking branches above cavorting to create a crimson carpet on a crisp autumn morn

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mean 5.75 weighted 5.09 rank 6327 views 137 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[7] Ranger 1-May-06/3:08 PM Reply
Beautiful picture, the rhythm of this could do with a little work. I'd try to replace the non-alliterated passages with ones which continue the alliteration. The reason being that the breaks disrupt the flow and slow it down whereas when it goes quickly I found it reminiscent of the leaves falling. Maybe 'canvas' instead of 'branches'? I'll leave the rest for others to suggest on if people agree with me.
[8] Dovina 1-May-06/4:24 PM Reply
Nice description, except for the twice used "crimson."
[8] deleted user 5-May-06/9:33 PM Reply
I agree with Ranger. This is good, but continuing the alliteration would make it bewtter.