poemranker ::Swimming by [mojo]

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Free verse № 14047

Swimming

Member since 2002 · Posted 10 Sep 2002 · 5 comments

I swam into the sun, Once upon a time. Once within a tide, Once when having fun, Once when deeds were done, When stories were created, And not just being told, Tattered and worn memories related, Regurgitated By us now we're too old, And the water feels too cold. But I swear I swam into the sunrise, With the taste of salt and beer, With the smell of brine and fear, With the sound of splashing cheer, With five o'clock bravado, I could have touched it's face, But the water's so uninviting now, And time's a lonely place.

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mean 5.08 weighted 5.06 rank 6790 views 209 View voting details →

13 votes so far. Yours would make 14.13 votes so far

5 comments

[2] Bachus 10-Sep-02/11:42 PM Reply
INDECENTLY INNAPROPRIATE! what the fuck are you gabbering about...our small pud in christof's mouth with piping hot bravado(oh! what imagery 9!)....fuck-it! wear your tuxedo...hows that for imagery....what a waste of invisible ink...vanish?! your mojo is minus beak. see my kale gun ...duck! 2/10!
[n/a] [mojo] › Bachus 13-Sep-02/11:44 AM Reply
I welcome all comments, good or bad. However this latest offering from Bachus is simply indecipherable. I would appreciate an elaboration/translation. Or would that be a waste of time? What did Christof have to do with it? I'm afraid the reference to a tuxedo goes way over my head. Maybe I'm stupid, or maybe Bachus was trying to sound so clever that he confused himself. If you don't like one of my poems please tell me. Even better offer some advice, but please, keep this sort of nonsense to yourself.
[7] Limness 12-Sep-02/8:11 AM Reply
Perhaps a companion would make this swim possible once again?
[7] nentwined 17-Dec-02/11:17 AM Reply
I almost REALLY like this. :/ it doesn't flow pleasantly for me, but ... almost. 7
[n/a] [mojo] › nentwined 29-Dec-02/3:26 AM Reply
Thanks (almost :) .Any suggestions? Any specific places you find the rhythm jarring. This isn't one of my favourites, maybe i could improve it, with some advice?