DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

untitled#3

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Sep 2002 · Edited 15 Sep 2002 · 12 comments

Shades extend off tombstone podiums grabbing more with your eye's than words could ever touch. transgress beyond your conclusion. live in the now. sandpaper handshakes contort and test the limits of your reservation. with one exhausted thought the sides fall and your at the crossroad's of your day. impulses breach the veil between thinking and doing. etiquette is lost to the monotony of the day. nothing is sacred no one is spared.

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mean 4.94 weighted 4.94 rank 9003 views 186 View voting details →

35 votes so far. Yours would make 36.35 votes so far

12 comments

[7] god'swife 9-Sep-02/11:42 PM Reply

Yes is my favorite word this evening. So yes. In my opinion this really starts working at "With one extended..." The first 4 and a half lines are some what overdone, dispite that, I like it.

[2] poetandknowit 9-Sep-02/11:48 PM Reply

I do not like this, so listen to GW. It is so well done (as in over cooked) that I can almost hear you trying to be clever. I want the words to come effortless; these seem forced and contrived. And add an apostrophe to your.

[n/a] darby pyn › poetandknowit 10-Sep-02/1:53 AM Reply

It's simple. a story comes to me, I put it on
paper, if I like it I expose it. being clever is not an option
my vocabulary is basic and the process is too fast.
but I understand this is a site full of criticism and praise
and both are needed to grow.

[5] Limness 12-Sep-02/8:15 AM Reply

I have tried, but can make no sense of this. which would be fine, if it least entertained me. but it does not. how sad.

[7] horus8 19-Sep-02/12:05 AM Reply

your title is either "tombstone podiums" or your last sentence or ofcourse rebridled#pee.

[n/a] darby pyn › horus8 19-Sep-02/12:33 AM Reply

I like pee. :)

[7] peach835 20-Sep-02/11:55 PM Reply

I think your poem was pretty good but that you needed to break it up so that it would read a little more smoothly.

[7] deleted user 1-Nov-02/8:50 PM Reply

You have some very original lines:
tombstone podiums
sandpaper handshakes
etiquette is lost to the
monotony of the day.

-These are my favorites. My only problems are with the layout and grammar.

[8] <{Baba^Yaga}> 18-Nov-02/10:22 AM Reply

superb. 8.

[7] -=SeTTle=- 19-Nov-02/10:02 PM Reply

INSERT WORDS YOU LEFT OUT. SERIOUSLY, IN THIS CASE EVERY FORMALISM IS YOUR GREATEST ALLY.

[8] UnityMitford 19-Dec-02/7:39 AM Reply

the thing that distracts me right off the bat is the apostrophe in "eyes" that should be there. not to mention the "your" that should be "you're." this has a nice flow. i have no idea what it's saying, but i don't really care either because of the way it moves. 8 swastikas!

[3] Freethinker1602 1-Jan-03/11:13 PM Reply

intriguing....