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Prozac

Member since 2006 · Posted 26 Jan 2006 · 5 comments

Numb to the world I shut it out Nothing could save me but love Yet I chase it away with doubt I used to be deep but something happened Lost myself in the thoughts of my life I look at the world different now I can see what is ahead but not what is before me Worthless, pointless is what it seems Feeling alive is like a dream. Deep inside I scream but silence prevails I canât say with words how I feel. But the thoughts spin on in my hamster wheel.

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mean 6.83 weighted 5.49 rank 2795 views 202 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

5 comments

[7] Dovina 26-Jan-06/1:51 PM Reply

You have a worthy subject for a poem, and in some ways it's a good poem as written. I say this because it's poorly constructed and incompletely thought out, which reflects the key line, "I used to be deep but something happened."

[n/a] SupremeDreamer 28-Jan-06/1:11 PM Reply

Cliched, not at all original, perfect example of emotional teenage dribble. Try to cut down on the use of "I", that is, if you wish to strengthen your writing a little.

No vote.

[n/a] Glasseyez › SupremeDreamer 29-Jan-06/7:14 PM Reply

I wrote this while working with CARE in Pakistan aiding the Earthquake victims, it all got rather depressing. When you see stuff like that it is best to feel numb cause it tears you up. Just got back during Christmas. What would you suggest to put in place instead of I?

[n/a] SupremeDreamer › Glasseyez 3-Feb-06/2:55 PM Reply

Numb, shutting out world,
chasing it away with doubt.
Used to be deep - but something
happened. Lost myself in thoughts
of life, looking at the world
differently.

Able to see what is ahead,
not behind me. Seems pointless,
being alive within a dream.

Screaming deep inside, yet
silence prevails - Words can't
express what I feel, yet words
are used to describe my emotion.

That's an example of your poem using only one 'I'. Be creative, the English language is pretty flexible in usage - so long as you do so intelligently.

[n/a] Glasseyez › SupremeDreamer 11-Feb-06/11:10 PM Reply

before me as in what is in front of me.