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Prozac (Free verse) by Glasseyez
Numb to the world I shut it out Nothing could save me but love Yet I chase it away with doubt I used to be deep but something happened Lost myself in the thoughts of my life I look at the world different now I can see what is ahead but not what is before me Worthless, pointless is what it seems Feeling alive is like a dream. Deep inside I scream but silence prevails I can’t say with words how I feel. But the thoughts spin on in my hamster wheel.

Up the ladder: Ennui
Down the ladder: Bleeding

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.8333335
Weighted score: 5.493059
Overall Rank: 2802
Posted: January 26, 2006 1:23 PM PST; Last modified: January 26, 2006 1:23 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 26-Jan-06/1:51 PM | Reply
You have a worthy subject for a poem, and in some ways it's a good poem as written. I say this because it's poorly constructed and incompletely thought out, which reflects the key line, "I used to be deep but something happened."
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 68.122.238.147 | 28-Jan-06/1:11 PM | Reply
Cliched, not at all original, perfect example of emotional teenage dribble. Try to cut down on the use of "I", that is, if you wish to strengthen your writing a little.

No vote.
[n/a] Glasseyez @ 204.49.132.31 > SupremeDreamer | 29-Jan-06/7:14 PM | Reply
I wrote this while working with CARE in Pakistan aiding the Earthquake victims, it all got rather depressing. When you see stuff like that it is best to feel numb cause it tears you up. Just got back during Christmas. What would you suggest to put in place instead of I?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 69.106.53.134 > Glasseyez | 3-Feb-06/2:55 PM | Reply
Numb, shutting out world,
chasing it away with doubt.
Used to be deep - but something
happened. Lost myself in thoughts
of life, looking at the world
differently.

Able to see what is ahead,
not behind me. Seems pointless,
being alive within a dream.

Screaming deep inside, yet
silence prevails - Words can't
express what I feel, yet words
are used to describe my emotion.

That's an example of your poem using only one 'I'. Be creative, the English language is pretty flexible in usage - so long as you do so intelligently.
[n/a] Glasseyez @ 204.49.132.47 > SupremeDreamer | 11-Feb-06/11:10 PM | Reply
before me as in what is in front of me.
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