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Narcissus (Free verse) by proteusplum
Echo cannot tell the tale: silenced Mute before the God of her idolatry She cries softly in shallow sobs, Dry and silent, lost, unshared. Narcissus lies, a white flower plucked Beside the still surface, black and cold Where he peered into his doom foretold Of living to come to know himself. In this wood a stricken rabbit cries, Watch as Narcissus sets him free From a trap placed with hunter's skill His mind upon catching larger prey. While others, more worthy, Are struggling in traps set carelessly By this deep and untamed beauty, Laid thick upon an undeserving vessel. When something pure was consumed In the wrath of a God's attention, A force, raw, unwitting, was born. Certainty, born dearly, Narcissus, For, you, alone, did not have to see Beauty which would lay you bare, To love vexed and bewitching Tearing off in unrequiting strips. Echo drowning, seeking breath Sinking to her malady Driven lowest by your unthinking curse. Hollowed out, a whisper of loving death, Starved of the food of love: confined To the tempered words others use, Who could ever breach that great void Between the lover and the loved? Need spurned is not destroyed, But turned darker in purpose, As a thousand lovers wished You sleep sweetly, and bade You bath in the pale morning light. So now, a thousand dark hungers Willed Nemesis bind your fate to theirs: That you should love without requite. So, it would go, Narcissus, Dagger sheathed, would feel thirst, Thirst that would be sated in a deep Unblinking pool, where into A bewitching figure was cast, Unfamiliar, and yet known forever Gazing straight through himself At a thousand skyshot stars winking. Untouchable, beyond the reach of his screams Encased, this creature still rich in green life, As he falls to the musk of the misty damp. Fevered by day, tormented in dreams, Still the creature, seemed As if born to a nobler, happy world, Glowing with the unconfined joy He had felt when he was still whole. Gems and pearls of sad things, Twisted and turned in the light, As he rose to a third morning of Palid vigil, raking his hair with his hands A single tear, first and last he would weep Fell from those shining eyes. While the thing we love is in the world A piece of us is forever lost, So upon the breast of his white chest He beat to free himself. Sweet release from the love we seek Is rarely in our hands For Narcissus his torment and love Lie together now upon the ground.

Up the ladder: June 6, 1973
Down the ladder: untitled #2

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5727
Posted: September 6, 2002 2:06 PM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2002 2:06 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] Lenore @ 64.252.107.149 | 6-Sep-02/2:48 PM | Reply
interesting that this just happened to follow Horus' fine gem.
how diaphanous. This poem is brilliant! The best yet! 10/10!!
[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 6-Sep-02/3:00 PM | Reply
i'm not into re-interpretations or re-evaluating storys that are best served hot once around, blake was. my piece was about observing the creative process on a secret ergot level. this is more of a cross examination of a myth that's best left untouched, lest your weak comparisson be compared forever to a moral ladened myth. i say fuck morals. nice poem. hardly.
[n/a] proteusplum @ | 6-Sep-02/3:15 PM | Reply
Thanks for your kind comments. I was in two minds about this poem after I wrote it and it is really encouraging to find someone who liked it. :)
[n/a] proteusplum @ | 6-Sep-02/3:23 PM | Reply
I agree that there is grave danger in trying to reinterpret a classic myth. I really only chose this topic to force me to write a poem which was about something entirely external to myself (I fall into the usual trap of spending too much time talking about myself when writing :) )
I'm not sure about the moral aspect of the story, it was mainly the aesthetic of the story and the way it highlights the power of the aesthetic that made it appeal to me.
[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 6-Sep-02/3:55 PM | Reply
good point-i completely understand-i just hate coincidenses-and i also can appreciate why you choose to write about external ideas instead of the all encompassing internal id...but that only works when channeling spirits and inorganic beings, because it still has to travel through your internal filters (the externalized)before it gets to us therefore it's tainted by your opinion always no matter what.. unless you are next to me and we are both physically watching the sunset, and one of us is colorblind and neither of us try to describe what we saw with words only presense and postured aura. and even that could be argued.h
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