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Falling from grace (pt1) (Free verse) by sk8rs_rule_all
This galling feeling.....this inexpressible emotion. So fathomless, so lonely, so empty. I have yet to be caught, yet I feel as if I should. Something is missing, something is lacking. Im falling from you, I'm slowly losing grip. Its got me dependent on it's ways, feelings..... I loathe this emotion, I absoutely cant stand it. Yesterdays feelings control todays emotions. Yesterday is on my mind. I'm wasting away, envisioning the memories of yesterday. I cant love anymore, with these memories breaking apart my heart. They sit patiently in the back, waiting to come out. Yesterdays are lost in time, yet I continue to find them and bring them back. My heart is in knots, twisting itself with confused emotions. I pray, I beg, for anything to come and hit me in the face, because this emotion ins't me, its forcing me to fall from grace.

Up the ladder: David & Derrick
Down the ladder: Bunnies crazy inlove

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9086
Posted: June 30, 2005 7:59 AM PDT; Last modified: June 30, 2005 7:59 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 30-Jun-05/10:40 AM | Reply
please don't describe a feeling with the word "feeling" in the description.

And don't say something inexpressible and then try to express it.

That's all I have for you - I can't barely get through the rest of it. Sorry. My God - use your words more precisely, use a simile or a metaphor. Make a poem for christs sake instead of an outline for one.

Never use "so" again.



[n/a] sk8rs_rule_all @ 24.160.154.168 > Shuushin | 2-Jul-05/6:04 PM | Reply
I certainly will work on it. Thank you.
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