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Black Heart (Free verse) by brazen
Spring is the Season for love to bloom, And rescue the blackest heart from the deepest tomb. Now rotting away in a shadowy abyss, Was a faceless man waiting to be awoken by a kiss, When an Angel with a kiss like fire, Finally did appease the man's desire, And now the light which had eluded his soul, Began to fill him and make him whole. Like him her face was bare, But her eyes stood out with their erotic stare, Her hair loose and wild when the breeze had blown, Just as if it had a mind of its' own, Her body language permeated a senual feeling, Making her all the more appealing, But even the tantalizing appeal of her flesh, Will never equal the sexiness of a mind without rest, Her skin as soft as a satin sheet, Sweating hips pleaded to repeat, Her hands he could hold for hours on end, That sweet smile and flavorful lips a perfect blend. But alas their timing was far off the chart, For this Angel was mending a broken heart, So leaving for Heaven she said goodbye, And gave one last hug before flying off to the sky, So with a single tear rolling down his disappearing face, He turned to hear a voice vibrating out of space, It was Despair and again it was calling him back, To the lonely and dank prison of a reborn heart of black.

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.875
Weighted score: 4.9663825
Overall Rank: 8503
Posted: September 1, 2002 1:44 AM PDT; Last modified: September 1, 2002 1:44 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] vulcan @ 213.29.12.17 | 1-Sep-02/2:06 AM | Reply
the story is good,but it sounds as if you mean to reach the end of it as quickly as you can.(each sentence has the finality of a finale).I dare suggest you add some lines to your first stanza.something missing.wish you further success.(your angel is exceptional!)7
[7] vulcan @ 213.29.12.17 | 1-Sep-02/2:07 AM | Reply
the story is good,but it sounds as if you mean to reach the end of it as quickly as you can.(each sentence has the finality of a finale).I dare suggest you add some lines to your first stanza.something missing.wish you further success.(your angel is exceptional!)7
[1] god'swife @ 209.179.210.46 | 1-Sep-02/2:07 PM | Reply
This poem is terrible.
[n/a] brazen @ | 1-Sep-02/5:09 PM | Reply
i know its lacking, but i don't believe in changing or editing what i write after i've written them...and this was the first poem i ever wrote a little of 5 years ago...i think its good for a first timer
[10] Katie @ 63.208.89.242 | 1-Sep-02/5:31 PM | Reply
I love your poem!!
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Sep-02/6:10 PM | Reply
Black fart: (free form) by chok negros., spring is the season to run naked black and farting through the putinias. alas there's my angel following my gas...of fairlass might you thumb my tight arse so that i might run my fingers through your hair..your golden crown of amber blah blee...oh hug me until gas leaks first out my ass then out my foul mouth, and you fly up and away into the sky...nay we need not editing we are brazen lass and in love...you turned my black fart slightly off purple, because you love me..............dude..pack up your things. you're fired. g
[2] limonade @ 207.179.148.117 | 1-Sep-02/8:23 PM | Reply
The difference between a poet, and some jackass with a pen is that to a poet, poetry is an art. The poet works at his/her words, trying to find the perfect combination to create the impression of spontenaiety, to create the perfect image. You don't believe in revision? Obviously, you are just some jackass with a pen. This poem is trite and boring.
[n/a] brazen @ | 2-Sep-02/8:13 AM | Reply
ok.
[3] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 3-Sep-02/7:29 AM | Reply
why brazen? aren't you interested in improving? did you spring full-formed and perfect from the brow of a god? your language is awkward and overfull in this piece. it is not good the way it is. i'm happy for you that you are happy with your writings the way they fall out of your fingers; i wouldn't want to meet your ego in a dark alley, though.
[n/a] brazen @ | 3-Sep-02/10:14 AM | Reply
let me explain myself better, after i apologize for apparently coming off egotistical, but i do not find myself up on a higher plain than anyone else...lets compare...if i was a painter and i messed up a stroke, i wouldn't start a new painting from scratch, i'd just go with it and see what comes out...thats the way i write. when i put too much thought into things they get messed up, so i write and just let whatever comes out...as i've stated, this was the FIRST poem i ever tried to right, and i'm actually not too fond of it, but i really don't like to go back and fix it because of the emotion it portrays to me, as if i was pretending to be happy when i was sad...i have no idea if any of this made sense, but this is the long, more detailed explanation of my thoughts. now, we continue our tour...
[1] god'swife @ 209.179.211.114 | 3-Sep-02/10:17 AM | Reply
Painters paint over there mistakes, they don't see were it goes.
[3] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 3-Sep-02/10:20 AM | Reply
well, almost. but i am a painter, and if i missed a stroke, i'd rub it out and repaint it or if it was dry by the time i saw it could be better, i'd overpaint it when it dried. michaelangelo repainted certain parts of the ceiling in the cistine chapel several time (esp. the hands of god and man); many many paintings upon examination (x-ray, cleaning) are found to have been changed from their original composition. this is what makes someone better--seeing how they can improve, and taking every opportunity to do so. i'm not trying to be 'right'; i recognize that you had something to say. if you feel like this was a learning piece, somnething to be looked back on as in, 'see how far i've come', why did you put it here? why not put up new experiments? and think on what others who actively write have to say? off the soapbox now.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 3-Sep-02/1:09 PM | Reply
i paint too, unfortunately...my advice to you would be no advice....i was dead serious about my editing adjustments for you on that other piece...as far as painting goes...if you think for a moment that a painter(any artist) is apprehensive about stretching another canvas on the back of a prior work...or to walk up to one of their paintings and white wash a section..you might want to go beat up your art teacher...check out 'basquiat', editing is part of the process...if not the whole process (think about that) the piece itself is just you editing out part of your own mind to paper in words or symbols or spoken form.....fear not...hit it with an axe dipped in paint?!
[n/a] brazen @ | 3-Sep-02/9:54 PM | Reply
ok ok, point taken...the painting was a terrible analogy...the only point i was trying to make is the I AM A TERRIBLE EDITOR...when i write it either comes out the way i want it the first time or it stays the way it is...i have been working on it...most of my other postings are slight alterations of previous poems, i think in one i combined two poems i wrote about the same moment...and to horus, i was taking your previous editing suggestions seriously, just, even in writing, my sarcastic overtones seem overly present, even when i'm not being so.
[7] PawnedTidal @ 68.35.210.72 | 15-Sep-02/11:17 AM | Reply
Ok, I know nothing about painting, and apparently little more about writing, but I'm going to have to agree with brazen on this one. When you are writing fiction or a research artile, revision is great; essential, even. However, pieces such as this one are meant to tell a story of emotions - describing how you felt at the precise moment in which it was written. In my opinion, revising such works later can only serve to tell a different story; not to improve upon the first one.
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.211.80 > PawnedTidal | 15-Sep-02/1:47 PM | Reply
Seriously now, you sound like a complete goof making such statements, especially when your mere comment could use some serious editing. Or was that just an emotional spurt?
[n/a] brazen @ 12.90.42.161 > PawnedTidal | 26-Sep-02/8:25 AM | Reply
ah...the most frequently forgotten art...the art of understanding. they say if you can reach just one person in the end it was all worth it. hmm, now i see the truth behind this former laughter phrase.
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