Poemranker [Poem: Stayed Too Long] [by poetryman] Thu Nov 21 10:39:12 PST 2024

Stayed Too Long A tear cascades down her reddened cheek crying about a life so sad and bleak the pain within her ruptured heart continues to rip her soul apart abused, battered, and trembling with fear her wounds hidden behind false cheer openly she smiles, privately she cries makeup can't cover the pain in her eyes friends and family knew the score begging her to take no more again she smiled and talked of love quoting the word from GOD above time has passed and so has she her smiles and denial a tormented memory the love of her life sits in a cell she can rest in peace, he'll rest in hell....... Bob Shank-Nov.,2004 "Any male who abuses a child or a woman, does not deserve the title of man, as he is still a boy who has yet to deal with his adolescent inadequacies"..Bob Shank-July 2004

[7] Sasha @ 69.138.240.116 | 8-Nov-04/5:08 PM | Reply

I dont know if you understand what a prose poem is, but this poem is not in prose. The insipid religiousness is not at all to my taste, but I wont bother commenting on it. The "heart/apart" rhyme is simply clumsy. It is things like that free-verse proponents point to and laugh at when they have their derisory little diatribes on rhyme. The last line or two are okay I guess. The above/love rhyme is terrible. As far as I know English is cursed with quite a paucity of perfect rhymes for love: above, of, "dove" if you feel like raiding the dovecots of the muse and "shove" or "glove" if the thought can be made to absorb either, and Russian names like "Lermontov" and "Nochnikov." Anyway, it's generally a good idea not to have to rhyme on love.

Okay I'm done.

[10] Olivia22 @ 24.21.18.211 | 8-Nov-04/5:22 PM | Reply

This poem is so amazing, and very realistic. I lvoe you comment at the bottom how any male who abuses a child or women does not deserve the title of a man. I love it.

[n/a] edpeterson @ 68.79.60.123 | 8-Nov-04/9:04 PM | Reply

a turtle strokes its way through a puddle of creamed corn. she turns coldly, glaring beneath her shades, smoke gushing from her face. she speaks. we see her missing teeth.

A force beyond my control pushes at the seams in my denim trousers.

[8] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 11-Nov-04/4:05 AM | Reply

Bob Shank:

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/author.html?id=51265

Your poemes are an epic tale of failure. Your beard is a sure indicator of your failed street poetry. You hat however is about as beatnik cool as you can get.