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Stayed Too Long (Prose Poem) by poetryman

Stayed Too Long A tear cascades down her reddened cheek crying about a life so sad and bleak the pain within her ruptured heart continues to rip her soul apart abused, battered, and trembling with fear her wounds hidden behind false cheer openly she smiles, privately she cries makeup can't cover the pain in her eyes friends and family knew the score begging her to take no more again she smiled and talked of love quoting the word from GOD above time has passed and so has she her smiles and denial a tormented memory the love of her life sits in a cell she can rest in peace, he'll rest in hell....... Bob Shank-Nov.,2004 "Any male who abuses a child or a woman, does not deserve the title of man, as he is still a boy who has yet to deal with his adolescent inadequacies"..Bob Shank-July 2004

Sasha 8-Nov-04/5:08 PM
I dont know if you understand what a prose poem is, but this poem is not in prose. The insipid religiousness is not at all to my taste, but I wont bother commenting on it. The "heart/apart" rhyme is simply clumsy. It is things like that free-verse proponents point to and laugh at when they have their derisory little diatribes on rhyme. The last line or two are okay I guess. The above/love rhyme is terrible. As far as I know English is cursed with quite a paucity of perfect rhymes for love: above, of, "dove" if you feel like raiding the dovecots of the muse and "shove" or "glove" if the thought can be made to absorb either, and Russian names like "Lermontov" and "Nochnikov." Anyway, it's generally a good idea not to have to rhyme on love.

Okay I'm done.




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