Re: These things that we bury by Jody Conn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
really good effort & classic theme of redemption. you can strengthen it by losing the idiomatic language "in their prime" - it'll be tighter, more profound.
Re: Truth of the Moon by ObiWonKn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
the last comparison is weak. "a ribbon....guarding" not a heavyweight sentry. This doesn't hang together very well - perhaps the first stanza should be the last?
Re: Ghost in My Swimming Pool by ObiWonKn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
where does seeing this apparition take you? Is it you - an aspect of yourself you had forgotten or lost? Great effort - but there is a connection missing.
Re: Apathy by nentwined	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
you leap from blind fear into a blossom of power. How? There is a step missing here. Really love when you go rhythmic: "can not is will not is does not is dead" and "cannot see the trees for the forest of my fears" You could have two poems here.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
great economy of language! & it plays like old 8mm b/w film reel...quick progressive flashes of the human condition. good work.
Re: Fascination by ObiWonKn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
manages to net Life's elusive quality. First stanza is my favorite in its precision
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
you have a good idea here....but it drops off : your "perhaps" sounding more like a declaration. Try furthering the concept of how every moment is the last moment when you are two. The vast immediacy of the very young...