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Truth of the Moon (Free verse) by ObiWonKn You wrote on my brain
Can you erase that now?
The curtain fell on my
show,
so I took the seat next to the moon.
You used to talk to me
sometimes?
Problems, addictions, screams
The passion of that vital force
lived in solitude in a crowd.
I made you stay with me
as a servant to
my cause.
A ribbon around the tree of life
guarding our only truth.
Up the ladder:
I AM WHO I AM
Down the ladder:
Brainy Smurf
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.5596013 Overall Rank: 12654 Comments:
[n/a]
nrevatehtni @
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16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
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Reply
the last comparison is weak. "a ribbon....guarding" not a heavyweight sentry. This doesn't hang together very well - perhaps the first stanza should be the last?
i like, a lot, except for the question mark on the first line of S2. keep writing!!
God damn it why does every third poem I read make absolutely no fucking sense? Lines like 'guarding our only truth' are the fastest way to Hell, my lad.
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