poemranker ::These things that we bury by Jody Conn

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Free verse № 305

These things that we bury

Member since 2001 · Posted 16 Mar 2002 · 10 comments

These things that we bury, we aspire to hide. At times in our souls, held deep there inside. To accomplish this task, one must first make a hole. Sometimes in the ground, other times in their soul. Now a hole in the ground is not a big deal. But a hole in our soul must always be healed. So we fill it with secrets and worries and doubts. Not realizing then, that one-day they'll want out. So we bury our problems, these things that we hide. In a sad vain attempt at salvaging pride. Now this thing that we've hidden, that we've put in this hole. It begins to decay, body, mind and then soul. The malaise that we feel, the cause we know not. When deep down inside, it's the on-set of rot. Now these things that we bury they rot and decay. We've hidden them there hoping they'll go away. But that won't happen, at least not on it's own. For these things that we bury must eventually be shown. Now my question is this, when is the right time? Do we share these secrets while still in their prime? Or wait until later, when their stench and their smell, Have made these secrets much harder to tell. If you ask my opinion, and I'm sure no one did. The answer lies not in ego or id. It lies in our hearts and compassion we share, It lies in the kiss and the touch and the prayer. So these things that we bury, we must openly share. Or these things that we bury will always be there. jc051401

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10 comments

[2] anonymous 22-Jun-01/1:38 PM Reply
very nifty -- I wrote a poem in much this style, though not as elegant, I think. Do you know of a more proper name for the style? I like it a lot. :) [cognosco@tentacle.net]
[2] anonymous 22-Jun-01/3:20 PM Reply
I'm not a fan of couplets, and in this case I think they make your poem sound like a Dr. Seuss rhyme. I think you have a sense of building to a climax three times, and you do that well. The problem is, again, that I think the form is preventing you from using richer, more meaningful words and arrangements to express yourself. mbonica@yahoo.com
[2] anonymous 27-Jun-01/6:44 PM Reply
a little long, heartfelt though, thought provoking
[2] anonymous 25-Jul-01/9:12 PM Reply
awesome!
[2] anonymous 30-Jul-01/8:43 PM Reply
I love it! That's the 4th time I've read through and it keeps getting better!
[n/a] nrevatehtni 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
really good effort & classic theme of redemption. you can strengthen it by losing the idiomatic language "in their prime" - it'll be tighter, more profound.
[n/a] ifni 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM Reply
it stumbles in the execution, but is better writ than I could have done.
[3] silvertongueddevil 11-May-02/5:16 AM Reply
i'm marking everyone down that uses the *s* word or the *h* word. i try not to mark down for rhyming, but sometimes i just have to. read more freud, watch less oprah.
[n/a] razorgrin 20-Jun-02/7:45 AM Reply
I love it...the rhythm is delicious, it reminds me of something I can't quite remember, but enjoyed. The "ego or id " part is good.
[1] deleted user 21-Aug-02/8:10 AM Reply
You should avoid titling a poem and then using it as the first line. Just start the poem with the title. The idea behind this is sound, but the wording of the draft (although packed with some fair images) is a bit youthful. The rhetorical questions also weaken the structure. If you want the reader to participate in the poem, it is often a good idea to do it without asking. You might really hone in your idea and try to find the solid lines in the poem and begin working from there.