Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

These things that we bury (Free verse) by Jody Conn
These things that we bury, we aspire to hide. At times in our souls, held deep there inside. To accomplish this task, one must first make a hole. Sometimes in the ground, other times in their soul. Now a hole in the ground is not a big deal. But a hole in our soul must always be healed. So we fill it with secrets and worries and doubts. Not realizing then, that one-day they'll want out. So we bury our problems, these things that we hide. In a sad vain attempt at salvaging pride. Now this thing that we've hidden, that we've put in this hole. It begins to decay, body, mind and then soul. The malaise that we feel, the cause we know not. When deep down inside, it's the on-set of rot. Now these things that we bury they rot and decay. We've hidden them there hoping they'll go away. But that won't happen, at least not on it's own. For these things that we bury must eventually be shown. Now my question is this, when is the right time? Do we share these secrets while still in their prime? Or wait until later, when their stench and their smell, Have made these secrets much harder to tell. If you ask my opinion, and I'm sure no one did. The answer lies not in ego or id. It lies in our hearts and compassion we share, It lies in the kiss and the touch and the prayer. So these things that we bury, we must openly share. Or these things that we bury will always be there. jc051401

Up the ladder: Memoirs II
Down the ladder: ITS A SHAMBLES

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 09
.. 03
.. 05
.. 04
.. 03
.. 26
.. 05
.. 11
.. 13
.. 13
.. 21

Arithmetic Mean: 5.62
Weighted score: 5.6199985
Overall Rank: 2217
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[2]... anonymous @ | 22-Jun-01/1:38 PM | Reply
very nifty -- I wrote a poem in much this style, though not as elegant, I think. Do you know of a more proper name for the style? I like it a lot. :) [cognosco@tentacle.net]
[2]... anonymous @ | 22-Jun-01/3:20 PM | Reply
I'm not a fan of couplets, and in this case I think they make your poem sound like a Dr. Seuss rhyme. I think you have a sense of building to a climax three times, and you do that well. The problem is, again, that I think the form is preventing you from using richer, more meaningful words and arrangements to express yourself. mbonica@yahoo.com
[2]... anonymous @ | 27-Jun-01/6:44 PM | Reply
a little long, heartfelt though, thought provoking
[2]... anonymous @ | 25-Jul-01/9:12 PM | Reply
awesome!
[2]... anonymous @ | 30-Jul-01/8:43 PM | Reply
I love it! That's the 4th time I've read through and it keeps getting better!
[n/a] nrevatehtni @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
really good effort & classic theme of redemption. you can strengthen it by losing the idiomatic language "in their prime" - it'll be tighter, more profound.
[n/a] ifni @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
it stumbles in the execution, but is better writ than I could have done.
[3] silvertongueddevil @ | 11-May-02/5:16 AM | Reply
i'm marking everyone down that uses the *s* word or the *h* word. i try not to mark down for rhyming, but sometimes i just have to. read more freud, watch less oprah.
[n/a] razorgrin @ 142.166.107.30 | 20-Jun-02/7:45 AM | Reply
I love it...the rhythm is delicious, it reminds me of something I can't quite remember, but enjoyed. The "ego or id " part is good.
[1] deleted user @ 67.40.59.100 | 21-Aug-02/8:10 AM | Reply
You should avoid titling a poem and then using it as the first line. Just start the poem with the title. The idea behind this is sound, but the wording of the draft (although packed with some fair images) is a bit youthful. The rhetorical questions also weaken the structure. If you want the reader to participate in the poem, it is often a good idea to do it without asking. You might really hone in your idea and try to find the solid lines in the poem and begin working from there.
212 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001