babbit1121 Aug 2002

You should avoid titling a poem and then using it as the first line. Just start the poem with the title. The idea behind this is sound, but the wording of the draft (although packed with some fair images) is a bit youthful. The rhetorical questions also weaken the structure. If you want the reader to participate in the poem, it is often a good idea to do it without asking. You might really hone in your idea and try to find the solid lines in the poem and begin working from there.